


Our Mountain

by dsa_archivist



Category: due South
Genre: Drama, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-05-21
Updated: 1999-05-21
Packaged: 2018-11-10 06:09:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 38,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11121444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dsa_archivist/pseuds/dsa_archivist
Summary: What would happen if Ben was stuck in the woods with a woman for a few months?





	Our Mountain

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived at [Due South Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Due_South_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Due South Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/duesoutharchive).

  
Body

 

Analise glanced out the window of the plane for what seemed like the  
hundredth time. Constable Fraser and herself were flying back from a  
grueling three day trial in Ottawa. A Canadian criminal has crossed the  
boarder and in trying to rob a bank, managed to kill three people. Analise  
had been the only one who made it out of the bank alive. She was in the  
bathroom when the gunman entered and since they had just closed there  
had been no customers.

She cracked the door of the bathroom and watched in horror as her friends and coworkers had been gunned down. It was only after the police arrived and subdued the guy that she was able to find her legs and come out of the bathroom. 

Afterwards, things were in a whirlwind. She was questioned by a Detective Vecchio and the Constable, attended her friends funerals and agreed to testify to make a stronger case against the gunman. At first she was hesitant, but when the Constable looked at her with those oh so blue eyes... Filled with sincerity and concern... How could any red blooded American girl possibly resist? 

************************************************************************************ 

"Ummph...." I slowly opened my eyes trying to determine which parts of my body still worked. My head feels like it was used in place of a basketball. Slowly I took a deep breath and gasped as a sharp pain went through my side. Oh this is just great. Well, I guess it could be worse... I struggled to an upright position and looked at the tangled mess around me. I remember going down and Ben putting extra blankets and pillows around me before moving towards the cockpit to help the pilot..." Ben!" 

I scrambled as fast as my injuries would allow towards what used to be the front of the plane. 

"Ben..." My voice cracked as I dug through debris trying to desperately locate him. I reached an arm and dug frantically, then placed my fingers around the lifeless wrist. No pulse! It seemed an eternity before I reached it's owner, the pilot. I let out a breath. But where was Ben? I tried to calm the panic that was building fast. Please let him be alive... I scanned the area outside what used to be the cockpit window looking for any trace of him. 'Man what I wouldn't give for him to be wearing his red surge! The one time I need to have him stand out and he's wearing dark brown! But I must admit that the leather jacket does look good on him...' I shook myself back into the present. 'Now is not the time or place for those kind of thoughts Analise...' 

Wait, is that movement? I sat very still and looked in the same direction "yes!!" I held my side and climbed out the window opening. 'He's **alive!'** He must have been thrown from the plane when it impacted. 

* "Ben" I gently leaned over him and felt the pulse on his neck, steady. I closed my eyes and started to shake. How bad is he hurt? I can't see any blood, but I don't know about internal injuries... "Ben" I gently stroked the side of his face and traced a finger across his lips. "Please wake up, I need you" I can't believe I fell this hard for a guy I've only known for a few weeks... Definitely not like me. I sighed deeply 'but admit it, when was the last time I met the man I've dreamed about my entire life?' 

Ben started to moan and thrash about. "Hey, calm down, it's O.K. Sshhh, I'm here" I tried to still him as gently as I could. All of a sudden his eyes flew open " Analise!" 

"It's OK Ben, I'm here." He looked around, slowly remembering what happened. "Are you OK?" The craziness of the situation made me laugh 

"I'm not the one lying on the ground, I'm fine Ben- just a little bruised" 

I helped him as he sat up " Take it slow Ben". His eyes widened 

"The pilot!" 

"He didn't make it " I said quietly "do you think you can stand up?" 

"Yes" Ben eased himself to a standing position and I put his arm around my shoulders to try and support him as we walked over to the plane. He sat down by the wreckage in the shadow it was casting. I looked at my watch, 11:30 am and it was already stifling hot. 'Well, at least it isn't the dead of winter'. I looked over at Ben who had his eyes closed, his head was leaned back, 

"Do you know where we're at?" I asked hopefully. 

Without opening his eyes he replied "well, as far as I can tell, we were traveling southwest for approximately one hour. However, when the planes' engine failed we were thrown off course, by how far I'm not sure but if I had to hazard a guess, I'd say were about 50 or 60 miles east of where we should be." 

"Oh" we were quiet for a few minutes as the information sunk in. "Well", I looked at Ben and forced a smile "it looks like we need a plan of action!" 

He looked over at me and shook his head, a small smile played across his lips "yes ma'am". 

My mind was racing "we should probably see if the radio still works, although I doubt it, salvage what supplies we can and at least camp here tonight just in case we aren't too far off and the rescue plane spots us". 

Ben looked at me, his eyes soft and sensual "sounds like a plan". His voice was so low and husky it sent a shiver through me. 

"Right now though, I want to take a look at you" I said as I reached toward him. 'Woe, so _***that's***_ what a squirrel must look like right before you hit it with a car...' I sighed, 

"Constable, you were thrown from an airplane as it crash landed in the middle of nowhere. Now I am going to have a look at you. We can either do this the easy way or the hard way- your choice". 

Ben looked like if he could have ran he would of, then knowing he was beat, reluctantly agreed. 

"Yes ma'am" he said as a blush started to rise from the collar of his shirt. 

I slowly unbuttoned his shirt and eased it off his shoulders and down his arms. "Do you have pain anywhere?" 

He shook his head no and I looked at him hard. Lie down I ordered and he slowly obliged. I started gently pushing up by his collar bone and worked my way down his chest, feeling for any broken ribs, looking for injuries. When I reached his lower abdomen he flinched. 

"Sorry" I said as I bit my lower lip. "This may hurt some but I need you to tell me if it feels like a dull or sharp pain". He thought for a minute 

"Dull" 

"Does it hurt more when I push in or when I let go?" I looked at his eyes and when he nodded I carefully pushed in. 

"Ow!" He took a shaky breath "when you pushed in" 

I bunched his shirt up and placed it under his head, the I continued to examine his arms and legs. "It seems your pretty lucky. You must have hit your abdomen at one point." 

"I think it was on the throttle on the way out the window." He said thoughtfully. 

"That'll do it. Does your head hurt at all?" 

"A little" 

I looked into his eyes, 'good, his pupils are responding normally'. "Well, it doesn't look like you have a concussion. I will still need you to let me know if the pain gets worse or if you have any blood when you urinate." 

I had to look away and stifle a laugh as his face turned a bright beet red. 

"Understood" he mumbled under his breath. 

"Get some rest and I'll go look around" I held my side as I slowly started to get up. 

"Your hurt!" Ben said as he grabbed my arm to prevent me from going any further. 

"It's nothing-really." I tried to pull away. 

"Show me" he said softly, but his eyes bore into me with such intensity and concern, I couldn't help but comply. I slowly lifted my shirt to reveal a hugh bruise that was starting to form the whole way from my breast down to my hip. His hand moved up to gently touch my side and I flinched. 

"Are your ribs broken?" 

"I don't think so, I'll just be sore for a few days." I said as I lowered my shirt. My skin still tingled where his hand had lingered. 

"I'll be right back" I gently brushed a strand of his hair back and stood up. After rummaging through the plane I brought out the blankets and pillows that Ben had piled around me, along with two water bottles. I spread the blankets out beside Ben and helped him maneuver on top, then I gently lifted his head and placed a pillow underneath. 

"Here" I said handing him a bottle. 

He started to shake his head "Drink" I said more firmly. You don't need to get dehydrated. He took a few deep gulps which satisfied me and I laid down beside him. 

"It will probably be a few hours at least before they get the planes in the air so we better get some rest while we can. " 

I had laid on my good side and had my back towards Ben. I wondered how I would ever get sleep being so close to him. 

********************************************************************************** 

**I woke to a dull ache on my side. 'At least my head doesn't hurt anymore'. I looked at my watch, 3:45 p.m., better get started'. I rolled over to check on Ben and found deep blue eyes staring at me. 

"Hi" I smiled, this is something a girl could get used to "How are you feeling?" 

He seemed to consider the question carefully. "Better, the pain is not as bad as it was" 

"That's good to hear". I slowly got up and stretched "we are going to need to get supplies gathered before it gets dark. I'll look around the back of the plane...if you can take the front, OK?" 

I didn't want to see the pilot again, and was happy when he readily agreed. I helped him up and we started rummaging. After about an hour we had a meager pile gathered. Six bottles of water, a flashlight, the 4 blankets and two pillows. Ben had also managed to find a topography map and a bag of chips. 

I carried another armload of wood over to our makeshift campsite and looked over at Ben as he sighed and ran his hand through his hair. 

"Problem?" 

He looked up from the map and I smiled at the pouty look on his face. Did he even know what that look does to the female population? I highly doubt it. 

"It appears we are about here" he pointed to an area on the map "and this was our flight course". 

"Wow, that is far off...so what do we do now?" 

He started to fidget, "well, we are about 200 km. From the nearest help. There's a good possibility though that we may come across a hunting cabin or ranger station before that. I have been in a similar situation before with my partner and I'm sure we will be fine". He gave me a small smile. 

I wasn't too upset, after all, here I was with a gorgeous man, no distractions, and I haven't been able to get away from the city in quite a few years so this was looking pretty good to me. 

*************************************************************************** 

The next morning we had an early start and hiked about 8 hours when we decided to pitch camp. I couldn't believe all the vegetation we found along the way and I had gathered it as I followed Ben through the woods. Carrot root, mint leaves, spiny nuts, and even some wild raspberries to name a few. I smiled at myself for remembering a lot of what my mom taught me when we went on our family camping trips when I was younger. Mom, I felt a pang in my heart as I remembered her. It was hard being all alone. Ben took off his pack and looked over at me. 

" I am going to try and find us something to eat, do you want me to help you with setting up first?" 

I glanced over at Ben as I set down my own pack. It had gotten considerably heavier after all the gathering I did. 

"No, there really isn't much to set up, and it's going to get dark soon. You go on ahead. **And be _careful._** " 

"yes ma'am" He smiled at me and turned to go. 

I added more wood to the fire. 'Where could he be? It's been almost two and a half hours and it's getting dark. If anything happened to him I'll rip his heart out! Maybe I should go look for him. Oh yeah, then both of us would be lost...'. 

I checked on the rabbit I had managed to snare earlier and I filled its' cavity with the vegetables I gathered. I dug a pit by the fire and placed hot embers in the hole, then the rabbit and more embers. 'Better than a 350 degree oven...'. I heard a rustling behind me and turned to see Ben coming back. 

"It's about time! I was worried sick. What happened?" 

He looked a little flustered. "I didn't mean to take so long but apparently I'm not up to par yet and...ah...I had a hard time catching anything." 

I looked at the canteen cup he held. He followed my gaze and cleared his throat, 

"I know this may not seem too...well, that is.. but we do need to keep our strength up" he rubbed his earlobe. "I'm sure when I'm feeling better I'll find something more....appealing." 

I looked into the cup.'were those **_grubs_**?' I looked up at Ben not knowing quite what to say. He continued "this plus the inner bark of most trees should suffice until we find something better". 

I couldn't hold it in a moment longer and burst out laughing so hard I thought I'd pee myself. 

"Analise, we do need to keep our strength up..." His voice trailed off as a new fit of laughter shook me. 

"Ow... It hurts so bad...I can't stop" by this point tears were falling down my face. "I'm sorry Ben," I took a few deep breaths trying to gain control of myself. 

Ben looked over at me "You need to eat something." 

"Oh, I plan on eating something, but not those- not today anyway" 

Ben frowned and then his eyes squinted up as he started to contemplate." Is there something your not telling me?" 

He looked around the campsite and I could see his expression change as he noticed the telltale signs of my cooking. 

I smiled at Ben when he looked back over at me and with a glean in my eyes said" How about you concentrate on the navigating and leave the cooking to me?" 

Ben looked back down at the 'grubs', then over at the cooking pit and finally at me once again and we both fell into a fit of laughter. 

************************************************************************** 

I threw another stone across the lake and sighed. Two weeks, it has been two weeks since Ben and I have been out here and he doesn't even act like I'm alive. I don't know how he does it! If I have to spend one more night beside him and not be able to touch him...."ugh!!!" I laid back on the ground and looked up at the darkening sky. These past two weeks have got to be the best of my life. I wonder if this is what heaven's like? I didn't look over when I heard familiar footsteps approaching. 

"Analise?" I continued to look up at the few stars and heard him sit down beside me. "Analise, is there something bothering you?" 

I sighed and looked over into those startling blue eyes. "No" I said quietly "nothing important". Inside I was thinking 'yeah actually, would you mind terribly if we don't go back to civilization and you make mad passionate love to me every night for the rest of my life?' 

The look he gave me was one of concern, hopefulness, and longing. "You know, we will make it back, I promise you". 

Is this guy clueless or what? "So... What else is new?" 

"I'm sorry I don't quite follow..." 'Of course not' I thought. 

"What I mean is, where do we go from here. It's been two weeks and we haven't seen any sign of anyone ever being here. No search planes, no campsites, nothing." 

Ben looked far off in thought, quietly he answered. "I may have been a little off in my calculations of our position" my eyes flew open at his confession, maybe there is hope yet. I waited for him to continue. 

"I feel the best course of action we can take is to go to a high vantage point and compare the terrain with that on the map and then we can plot an appropriate route from there". 

Maybe that's Canadian for we're lost. I looked over at Ben and realized that must have been difficult for him to say.   
"O.k., so where is this high vantage point?" Ben looked across the lake to the biggest mountain I've ever seen and said simply enough "there". 

'Well, that's more of a mental picture than I needed. There is no way I am going to make it over that thing'. I looked over at Ben who was sitting with his head down and drawing in the dirt with a small stick. 'Ok Analise, you can do this'. 

"Sounds like a plan. Right now though, I am going to go swimming". 

"Are you sure that's wise? The sun is just about down and you never know what..." 

I cut him off "Ben, this day has been horrible with the heat and all. Here is a lake and I am going to take these clothes off, and go swimming. So unless you want to see more of me than you ever dreamed of , I'd suggest you go and do... Whatever it is you are going to do OK?" I then proceeded to remove my shoes and socks. By the time I reached my shirt, Ben had managed to come up with some excuse to leave and wandered back towards the campsite. 

The water was on the cool side as I eased myself into it. What I wouldn't give to have some soaproot right now... I continued to walk out into the lake slowly. I still didn't know what kind of terrain was under here and didn't want to lose my footing. 

By the time the water reached my thighs, I knew someone was watching me. I stood real still and was rewarded with the sound of a branch cracking. An animal perhaps? No, there would be more noise than that. I slowly started to run water over my body and then dunked my head under. When I came up, I caught a quick glimpse of a body behind a clump of bushes. 'He is watching!' I made the most of the opportunity by moving real slow and as sensual as I could, wash myself. After about five minutes of this, I decided to go for a swim and clear my head. 'What on earth could I have been thinking! So what if he is watching me. It's probably for my own good, just trying to look out for me... He has never shown any kind of interest before' man do I need to get a grip! I swam back to shore and slowly dressed before heading back to camp. 

Ben was sitting by the fire adding some more wood for the night. "Oh, there you are, I was just about to go and check on you" 

_'Right'_ I thought, 'I saw your footprints in the bushes, that's what happens when you teach someone about tracking.' Ben's face was flushed and he didn't make direct eye contact with me. 

" I told you I'd be fine Ben" I said as I smiled at him. I sat down by the fire and stretched out as I wrung out the last of the water from my hair. Reaching over I opened my pack and removed my hairbrush. Before I could use it though, Ben had moved behind me and gently took it from my hand. As he leaned down by my ear I could feel his body against my back and had to suppress a shudder. 

"Here, let me." 

I sat very still as he carefully caressed my head and shoulders while untangling my hair. After what seemed like an eternity I remembered to breath. 'That's right girl, in and out, one breath at a time. Won't do me too well to pass out on him now would it?' Finally he stopped brushing and ran his fingers through my now dry hair. My body felt like putty. I felt him stiffen behind me as his hands froze. I looked up into his eyes that were clouded over. Something was wrong. 

Ben looked down at me. "I'm sorry, this was totally inappropriate. I can assure you it wont happen again." 

I took a shaky breath and forced a smile "What, brush my hair? Is that some kind of crime in Canada? To be quite honest Ben, I think you missed your calling. Ever think of going into the full body massage business? I'm sure there are a few thousand girls in Chicago that would _love_ your services." 

Ben let out a chuckle "I don't think I'd ever get any rest if I did that. Fighting crime would seem like a vacation." 

Now that the mood was light again, I laid down and crossed my arms behind my head, and looked up at the star filled sky. 

"What do you see when you look up there?" 

"Come here and I'll show you" Ben gently laid beside me and looked up at the heavens'. 

"When I look up there, I wait for a shooting star, and I make a wish that... Well, it doesn't matter for what. I see all the stars and imagine all the planets around them and I know...I just know that somewhere there is a place that I belong. That I wont be alone anymore and.. ." I paused as I realized what I had just admitted to him. I had never told anyone how much it tears at my soul to be all alone in this world. "Pretty silly huh?" 

I looked over at Ben. His eyes glistened with moisture "No, not a-tall. Everyone needs something to hold onto. Your lucky that you've found yours. There are people out there who never find what it is that can get them through their day and they just give up." 

"You sound as if your talking from experience. What is it that gets you through the day Benton Fraser?" 

He didn't answer for so long I didn't think he would. Then I heard the faint reply. "I haven't found it yet." I looked into those blue eyes that held no guile. There was no mockery in them and I saw only another lonely soul trying to find their place in this world. I pulled a blanket up around us and rested my head onto his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around me. Perhaps this time my wish would come true and the sun would not come up tomorrow so I could stay in his arms forever. 

************************************************************************************* 

"Good morning" Ben smiled at me as I rolled over and stretched. He always manages to be up and moving before I wake. For once I would love to know what it feels like to wake up beside that man... 

"I'm sorry-what were you saying?" 

Ben handed me a bowl of leftover fish soup from the night before and some blueberries. "I said, we should make fairly good time if the weather holds and should reach the base of the mountain in about three days." 

"Oh... Do you suppose we have enough supplies to get us across? How many days do you think it will take?" 

"Well, to get to the other side should only be about another three and we can continue to collect and hunt before we reach the base. We should be fine." Ben gave me one of his dazzling smiles. 

"What about the weather? Won't it be colder up there? All we have are a few blankets and the clothes on our backs. Down here it's already pretty cold at night. Will we be OK?" 

I could tell by the look on Ben's face he had given this subject quite a bit of consideration. "I am hoping that we will be able to create a shelter or find a small cave to help block the elements. Don't worry, I am certain we will be fine." 

"Me worry with you around? Perish the thought!" We laughed at each other and started to pack up camp. 

** 

As if on que, we reached the mountain base in exactly three days. I looked up and swallowed hard, trying to keep my panic under control. 'Ok girl, let's recap. You've been in a plane crash, ate things that couldn't possibly be part of any food group known to man, sacrificed good hygiene, and did this all with a smile on your face for the man of your dreams. Certainly this can't be that bad, can it?' I looked back up as far as I could see. The top was obscured by clouds. 'This is crazy! There is no way I can possibly do this. To top it all off, I'm talking to myself!' I felt myself waver and before I knew it, was lying on the ground in Bens' embrace. 

I opened my eyes and saw two piercing ones staring back at me. "Are you all right?" Ben was wiping my face with a wet cloth. 

"I think so... What happened?" 

"You fainted. I was putting my pack down and when I turned around, I saw your face pale and barely had time to catch you before you fell." 

"Thanks" I whispered "my knight in shining armor to the rescue again I see." 

Ben's eyes remained serious "we will camp here tonight and start tomorrow." 

**** 

Most of the day went by pretty slow. I put down the load of wood I was carrying along with some vegetables I had gathered. Ben was preparing some meat for our dinner by the fire. No matter what I tried to busy my mind with, I couldn't relax. It didn't help matters much with the way Ben had been acting all afternoon. I poured myself a cup of tea and decided to end the silence that had been building up. 

"Ok " I said a little louder than I intended, as I held up a piece of meat "a chunk of pemmican for your thoughts?" 

Ben looked over at me and gave a little laugh. "That's not pemmican" he said as he shook his head. 

"Not yet..." I replied, warming to the subject "but by next summer it will be, ...so what has you so quiet today?" I tried to keep the pouty look on my face as I continued "It's another woman isn't it? I knew it! Your such a babe magnet that even out here in the middle of nowhere, they find you!" By this time I had really gotten into the roll and was pacing back and fourth around the campsite. "Just when I think I have you all to myself they find us. And to think of all the trouble I went through... Rigging the plane to crash, smashing the radio..." I leaned close to him "I even stayed up all night changing the lines on our map so we could stay out here forever...." 

By this time Ben was outright laughing and I sat down beside him. "Why honey" I drawled in my most hurt voice " I'm offended". 

He looked down and fingered an eyebrow "your something else, your know that?" 

I grinned back at him "what would you ever do without me?" 

His face turned sober again and I placed my hand on his arm " Please tell me what's been bothering you Ben, you've been quiet all afternoon". 

Ben took a deep breath and looked at me "perhaps it would be for the best if you wait here for me. I could scout the terrain and then come back for you". 

I reached up and caressed his face "there is no way I am letting you go up there by yourself. What if something happens to you?" 

"Analise" Ben stared intently into my eyes as if he could change my mind with his will alone. "What if you faint again? It's a long drop and I may not be able to reach you in time." 

"I can assure you Ben, I'm **_not_** going to faint. And besides, we will have the rope we made tied to each other so there really is nothing for you to worry about". 

Ben looked down and continued to prepare dinner. 'How can I make him understand that I would face a thousand mountains for the chance to be with him one more day?' 

"I'm going for a walk" I said as I picked up my pack. 

"It's going to be dark soon, if you wait, I'll go with you after I get this cooking" Bens face furrowed into that concerned look again. 

"I'm a big girl Ben, I can take care of myself. I will be back in about an hour or so." 

"Wait," Ben dug around in his pack and walked up to me. He was standing so close I had a hard time remembering why I wanted to leave " take this" he said and slipped his compass into my hands. I looked into his eyes and saw something I didn't recognize. His look was sad, no not sad really, resigned? Just what was he planning? I gave him a slight smile and walked away. 

Something kept nagging me the entire time I was walking.' What was he trying to tell me?' He was troubled, maybe the mountain scares him too. I snorted at that last thought 'I can't imagine anything in nature scaring him' I tried to take my mind off of Ben with little help. 'Does he think I can't take care of myself? I've done just as much hunting as him over the past few weeks.' I scrambled up a small boulder and sighed as I leaned back. 'Think Analise, what would make him give me a look like that.... HE'S LEAVING! I know it! He's planning on climbing that mountain without me. Well is he going to be in for a surprise. If I have to stay up all night I will. He's probably planning on going before I get up.' I hurried back to camp to put into action the plan I came up with. 

I looked around expecting to see Ben but he wasn't there. The food was done and he had a plate warming by the fire. 'He must be around here somewhere' I thought. I looked at the plate realizing how hungry I was and started to devour the food. Ever since we had been out here we had gotten into the habit of eating only twice a day, when we wake up and camp at night. The rest of the time we just snack if we feel like it while hiking. I looked at my watch, 8:30pm. He's been gone for a half hour at least. I looked around the camp and noticed his pack was missing. On closer inspection I realized that he had taken ALL his gear and just left mine. 'Damn him! He left without me. I thought he wouldn't make his move until morning. He must have known that I would figure out what he had planned and left tonight so I wouldn't have enough light to track him by.' I was pacing around the campsite as tears welled in my eyes. 'How could he do this to me?' I was almost hysterical and collapsed to the ground as my legs buckled beneath me. 

" **BEN**!" I screamed knowing there would be no response. I was alone. I laid there for hours not caring what happened to me. The temperature was dropping quickly and I wondered if he had taken any of the blankets with him. It would be a lot colder on the mountain than here. I somehow found the strength and rummaged through our belongings and found three. 'He only took one, that wont be enough'. I also noticed he barely took any other supplies with him and really started to worry. My tears started fresh as I thought of Ben huddling against the cold. 

"Oh Ben..." I sobbed "how could you leave me?" 'I'm all alone' My thoughts were stuck on those three small words. Why was this hurting so much? I have been alone for years. Ever since my parents died I've had no one to be there for me. It never bothered me this much before. Then I realized the difference. It was like never having ate. Your starving, but since you don't know what food is you don't know what your missing. Ben was my food. And now that I've tasted, I know what's gone. 'I've got to find him' and with that last thought, I fell asleep. __

__***

'Something's on my back' I groggily tried to wiggle it off and continue sleeping. Nope, it wont budge. At first I was tempted to just ignore it and then I thought about how many small animals and bugs it might be. That was enough motivation to make me move. I took a deep breath and smelled something familiar as I opened my eyes. It was barely dawn. And only a small sliver of daylight filtered into the camp. As I started to move I realized that whatever it was wasn't budging. 'Dead weight'. I slowly turned over hoping that whatever it was wouldn't bite me and let out a shriek as I saw it. 

"Ben!!" He was sleeping beside me and his arm was the weight I felt on my back. 

Ben's eyes flew open and he sat up with a unseeing stare trying to ascertain what was wrong. He looked over at me and recognition replaced the confusion. 

I stared at him in shock, relief, and a bit of anger. "Why did you leave me?!" My chin was trembling and I tried to keep my emotions in check. 

"Analise," realizing there was no wild animals in the camp or any other threat of danger Ben turned his attention back to me." I was only thinking of your safety." 

Before I even knew what I was doing, I had slapped him hard across the face. "How dare you! I came back here and you were gone! I was worried sick for you! And you...you just _left_ me! How could you leave me like that?" I knew I wouldn't be able to hide the tears from falling so I jumped up quickly, but before I could even think of going anywhere, Ben had grabbed my arm and pulled me to him. 

"Stop! Let me go" I struggled to get away but he only held me tighter. 

"I'm sorry..." His voice was no more than a whisper. Had his head not been bent by my ear, I probably would never had heard it. 

I rested my head on his chest and willed my body to stop shaking. "Why did you come back? You couldn't have made it up the mountain and back already" 

Ben stroked the back of my hair " I don't know, I can't explain it. I ... It's like I felt you. I felt your need and I realized that I shouldn't have left. I didn't want you to try and climb after me and for some odd reason., I just knew that's what you were planning and I had to turn back." 

He lifted my chin so I could look in his eyes "I promise you" he enunciated his words very carefully, "that I will never leave you behind again". 

I took a deep breath and pulled back. Ben dropped his grip and we studied each other. In the growing light I could see the red hand print forming on his cheek. I reached up to touch it but drew my hand back at the last minute. "I'm sorry Ben, I shouldn't have slapped you" 

"It's all right, I understand" he paused and then added "I probably deserved it". He had a far off gaze in his eyes and I wondered what caused his hurt. 

"No" I said firmly causing him to look at me "you DIDN'T deserve it, I was wrong, and I promise you that I will never do that again". 

*** 

THREE WEEKS 

I looked up to see Ben about 20m ahead of me. After two days of climbing, the rope I had tied around my waist was rubbing my midriff raw. The mountain was finally starting to level out slightly and Ben assured me we were near the top. Last night had been particularly hard. We had been unable to make a fire and had barely managed to find a crevasse big enough for us to sleep. The wind whipped around us so violently that more than once we had to stop until it died down. I felt a tug on the rope and looked up suprised not to see Ben. Finally! We had reached the top. The pulling on my waist was more insistent and I realized Ben was trying to help hoist me the rest of the way. I climbed faster to salvage what I could of my skin. 

As I neared the edge Ben reached my hand and helped me up. I held the view in awe as I looked at miles and miles of gorgeous forrest. The tops of the trees made a beautiful ocean of color and I stepped near the edge to absorb as much as I could. I felt Ben behind me and I leaned into his warmness. 

"This is so beautiful" 

"It reminds me of home. Not as many trees of course, but there is a cliff near Fortitude Pass, and if you stand near the edge, you can see nothing but miles and miles of tundra" 

His voice cracked as he spoke and I knew he was homesick. 

"You miss it, don't you?" 

"Yes." His one word answer was all that needed to be said and we stood there, staring out at the wilderness as if we were the only people who had ever been permitted to witness such a magnificent work of Creation. 

The chaffing of the rope pulled me back into reality and I tried without much success to undo the knots that Ben had more than adequately tied. 

"Here- let me" Ben leaned over and after a small struggle had managed to free me. 

I chuckled at the effort it took "At least I didn't need to worry about falling" 

Ben gave me a sidelong glance and I saw a small smile play across his lips. 

"We are going to need to make a shelter for tonight. There isn't much in the way of trees, but I'm pretty sure I can construct a lean-to with the blankets and rope." 

"Always the practical one, eh?" I teased. 

We did manage to finally get a small fire going and the hot tea was a welcome treat with the temperature falling. By 6 o'clock, the weather forced us to retreat into our "tent" and Ben held me close as the night air closed in around us. 

"Ben" 

"Hmm?" 

"What was it like growing up on the tundra?" 

He gathered his thoughts and began "My mum died when I was six. I don't have much recollection of her, but in a way, I remember everything. Afterwards, my father sent me to live with my grandparents who were traveling librarians. They loved me but there wasn't much affection growing up. I remember wanting toys for Christmas, and every year I would receive a book instead." He gave a small disparaging laugh " I learned from early on not to expect what the other children took for granted." 

"That's so sad" 

"Well, I've forgiven them. They did the best they could. It was a long time ago. How about you? " 

"Well, " I said "there really isn't much to tell "I grew up in Pennsylvania and when I was 14, my parents died-car accident. I went to live with my aunt who treated me worse than in a Cinderella story. After she took everything of value that was left to me, she made me a ward of the court and I spent the rest of my adolescence in group homes. I've basically been on my own ever since." 

Ben held me close and for the rest of the night we talked about our pasts, interests, friends, everything. I never felt so secure as I did falling asleep to the sound of his voice. 

*** 

Warmth, I feel warmth. I snuggled deeper into it and became aware of the arm wrapped around my waist. I slowly turned over and looked at Ben. The light filtering through the sides of our 'tent' allowed me to study his features. His face was so relaxed, angelic like, his hair was rumpled and his lips were turned up in a small smile. I felt like I was in heaven. I snuggled closer to him and our foreheads rested against each other. Breathing deep, I tried to commit every minute detail to memory. Ben must have been exhausted to be sleeping this late and who knows if I will ever have another chance to wake up beside him again? I gently- so as not to disturb him- ran my fingers through his thick hair. It had a natural curl to it that was hard to see because of how short he kept it. 'Another secret discovered' I smiled. 

Eventually the call of mature forced me to abandon my sanctuary and I carefully untangled myself from the sleeping form. Stepping out into the sun left me speechless. The view yesterday had been breathtaking but in the morning sun it was magical. The air held an eerie calm. I stepped out onto a rock that was jutting out over the precipice and closed my eyes. A feeling of pure joy and exhilaration came upon me. Everything seemed clearer, brighter, there was no end to my happiness! I flung my arms out to my side and laughed hard. In that moment, that one instant in time, I realized something. I love him! I love Benton Fraser. Not the infatuation I felt when we first met, but HIM. In that one moment, I knew that if I never felt love again, I had experienced enough love to last me a lifetime. It didn't matter if he didn't feel the same way for me. Knowing how I felt was enough. 

"Analise" I turned and saw Ben standing about 5m back on the cliff-face and smiled from ear to ear. 

"Good morning sleepyhead!" 

He looked down at my feet and eyed the rock I was balanced on. "What are you doing?" 

"Flying!" I said simply enough. I saw a confused look play across his features and decided to elaborate. "It's such a beautiful morning and we are so high up...it reminded me of flying." 

Ben cocked his head to the side and eased himself closer to me. 

"Come on Ben! Haven't you ever wanted to fly when you were little? Just be able to step off and soar? I used to climb the highest trees in my neighborhood and imagine I could...." My voice trailed off as Ben leaned over and grasped my hand. 

"Why don't we save the flying lessons for another day, shall we?" 

He gently pulled me from the rock and didn't stop moving until we were about 5 or 6m from the ledge. I was breathing hard from being so close to him and my face was flush. We stared at each other and time stopped. For a moment, I thought Ben was going to kiss me but he looked down and cleared his throat. My heart fell a little and I had to remind myself that just because I loved him, didn't mean he felt the same way. I took a deep breath and tried to lighted the mood. The last thing I wanted was for him to feel uncomfortable around me. 

"You know- a human hand can go only so long without circulation" 

He looked down, realizing he was still gripping my hand (quite firm I might add). 

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry" his face turned red as he loosened his hold. I gave a small laugh and went over to start breakfast. 

*** 

I handed Ben a cup of tea and sat across from him. "Any idea what our next move is?" 

Ben had spent the past hour studying the map and surrounding area. "I've pinpointed our location and if we head WSW, we should run into a small town". 

"Oh" I tried not to sound too disappointed. "How long before we get there?" 

Ben studied his tea- which I've come to learn means he doesn't want to say something- before answering. "If I had to hazard a guess, I'd say approximately four and a half to five weeks" 

I brightened at that answer. Another month with Ben was heaven. He brought me out of my thoughts. 

"We should head out while the weather is holding. After we pack up, I'll secure the rope and head down first. Pay close attention to where I place my hands and feet, so you know what's secure. If it will support me then it will hold your weight easily." 

I winced when he mentioned the rope and put my hand to my waist. "How about we skip the rope this time? I'm sure I can get down on my own all right". 

Noticing my body expression, Ben's eyes narrowed and he moved to my side. "Let me see" 

"I'm fine, really Ben, it's just a brush-burn" 

He didn't wait for me to comply as he lifted my shirt. His face was so intent I wondered if he had even heard me. Ben drew a sharp breath as he examined the raw skin. The band around my upper waist was about an inch and a half wide and some spots looked like they were ready to bleed. 

Wordlessly, he went to his pack and brought it over along with a small jar of salve. He placed the pack behind me. 

"Lie back" 

I eased myself back and looked at him curiously as he began to spread the salve delicately on my exposed skin. 

"You know Ben, this really isn't necessary, it's just a.... What's that smell?" The scent drifting up from the jar and my now covered stomach made me want to hurl. 

"It's a mixture I made from the mucus membranes of a pregnant....well, that's not important, what is important is the fact that this will help prevent infection from setting in." 

He grew quite as he wrapped a bandage around my waist. "I should have realized I had the rope too tight- I'm sorry" 

"Don't worry Ben, your acting as if this is a big deal. IT'S A BRUSH-BURN". 

I took his face in my hands and held his gaze even. "You know? You take life way too seriously Benton Fraser. I'm just gonna have to change that". With that comment I flipped him on his back and proceeded to tickle him. It took all of a minute and a half to realize that was a mistake as he rolled me over and pinned my hands above my head. With his free hand he proceeded to tickle me until I couldn't stand it. 

"Stop... Ben... Aaahh!" I choked out in-between laughs. I tried to maneuver out of his grasp but he held me tight. "O.k. I give!" I finally managed to say. 

"What's the magic words?" Ben teased . 

"P...pl..please" 

We were both laughing hard and although Ben had stopped tickling me, he hadn't moved and I was becoming aware of his body weight on top of me. 

I pushed him off while I still had the willpower to move and gave him a side look "this isn't over yet Mountie... I will get you back!" 

He grinned at me and went over to start packing our gear. 'Sometimes that man can be so frustrating!' So why was I getting so flustered thinking about him laying on me...? I shook the thought from my head and finished gathering camp. 

** 

Ben came up behind me "are you ready?" 

I was looking out at the view again and sighed. 

"Analise, what's wrong?" 

"Nothing, I just don't want to leave our mountain" 

His eyebrows shot up "our mountain?" 

"Yeah" 

"Why is it 'our' mountain?" 

'Because this is where I discovered I loved you....this is where you shared so much of yourself with me and let me see a part of you I know you normally keep hidden....because this is where we can be together...on top of the world' I sighed and found a more suitable answer. 

"It feels like we are the only people who have ever been here since the beginning of time and as such, we are duty bound to name this place." 

He looked thoughtful for a moment and then straightened up. "Since you put it that way, never let it be said that a member of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police shucked their duty" he walked to the edge and in a loud voice boomed 

"To all within the sound of my voice... This mountain is here by named for all eternity... 'Our Mountain'". 

He looked back over at me and I laughed. "I think that about covers it-I'm ready". 

We suited up our gear and Ben hesitated only when it came time to tie the rope to me. 

"I'll be fine-really" 

"You aren't going down there without this rope." 

"Oh really?" My voice held a challenge. 

"Really" Ben stepped closer to me. Then with a glean in his eyes he said "now, we can either do this the easy way or the hard way...choice is yours" 

I laughed but knew enough to back down gracefully. "O.k.. O.k. You win" 

He tied the rope but I noticed he was extra careful to make sure I had enough play around my waist to move. 

Ben eased himself over the cliff and I watched him slowly make his way down about 10m. 

"All right, ease yourself down" 

I took a deep breath and carefully lowered myself over the edge. 'Mental note: shoot myself if I ever get the urge to go camping again in this lifetime'. 

** 

I carefully placed my foot in the niche Ben's hand vacated. The sun was setting fast and so far, we hadn't been able to find a suitable area to camp for the night. Considering that we still had about two thirds of a way to go, this was not a good thing. Going down proved to be more exhausting than climbing and every muscle in my body shook from the effort. 'If we don't find a place soon, I'm not going to beable to hold on'. 

I yelled down to Ben "Do you see anything yet?" His voice sounded just as exhausted 

"Not yet, but I'm sure we'll find some place soon" 

'Always the optimist' I thought as tears started to run down my face. I knew I had no strength left to climb and desperately, I called out. 

"Ben!" It came out sounding more like a sob and I wondered if he was even able to hear it. 

Ben looked up and his eyes grew wide. As tired as his muscles were, he managed to climb back up to where I was. I hadn't moved, trying to focus all my energy on not falling from my spot. I felt an arm around me and looked over into Ben's worried face. He was holding onto a rock with one hand and trying to support my weight with the other to give me a rest. I could feel his body shake with effort and saw the look on his face as his mind raced for a solution. Knowing he would risk his own life to save me, I came to a conclusion. 

"Ben...you can't hold me forever...please, cut the rope. It will be o.k., just get yourself down." 

He didn't answer me as his eyes scanned the area for something, anything. We were still pretty high up and there were no trees and barely any plants. I tried again to convince him. 

"Please Ben, just cut the rope." I saw his knife sticking out from his waist sheath and reached for it. 

"Analise!" Ben shifted my weight in his arm "over there, look!" 

My hand hovered just above the handle and I slowly turned my head to see what Ben was so excited over. There, about 30m parallel from us was a small opening. 

"You can do this, just take it slow. Here, give me your pack" 

"You can't carry both packs Ben" 

"Damn it Analise! I said give me your pack!" 

My mouth hung open as I took off my pack. 

"When I tell you, get a good hold and then hand me your pack" 

He shifted his weight "now!" 

I did as he said and he slung the pack as best he could over his shoulder with the other one. 

"Now watch your footing I'm right behind you". The anger in his voice had me on edge and I fought with all my might to summon enough strength to comply. Ben stayed right at my side the entire time and after what seemed like an eternity, we reached the opening to find it turned into a small cave. I scrambled in and helped Ben hoist the packs before collapsing on the ground. My entire body shook and the tears were flowing freely now. I wasn't quite sure if it was from exhaustion or the dark side I saw in Ben. 'It was if his whole personality changed, he had become hard.' I looked over at Ben who was leaning against a pack near the opening, neither one of us spoke and I don't know if it was from relief or fear.... 

** 

I woke the next morning with every intention on continuing down the mountain by myself. I don't know what had Ben so upset but I didn't deserve to be treated like that. I slowly realized that I wasn't on the rock floor anymore, but wrapped in blankets. ALL the blankets. There were two under me for padding and one under my head for a pillow. I moved the blanket covering me and discovered from the odor, my bandage had been changed and more salve had been applied to my now bleeding waist. Shocked, I sat up and noticed a water bottle and some dried meat and berries beside it. 'Just what was going on here?' I looked over at Ben who was still sitting by the opening. His knees were bent and his head was resting on them, he was asleep. I sighed as my anger dissipated. 'What was going on inside him?' It was obvious that he must not have gotten much sleep last night and he didn't lay down with me either. I ate the food he left out for me and rolled up all but one of the blankets. With the other, I wrapped it around his shoulders. 

Ben lifted his head and looked up at me. For a long time we stared at each other, waiting-I suppose- for the other to start speaking. Finally I broke the silence. 

"I'm sorry Ben. I shouldn't have put so much of a burden on you yesterday. I should have told you before that I was getting tired but I thought we would find camp soon." 

"No Analise" his voice was quiet "I shouldn't have yelled. I was just so scared that I wouldn't be able to hold on and I didn't want to lose you. I guess my fear came out in the form of anger. I should have known you needed a rest and made accommodations..." 

'Was this guy serious? He was talking like we could have just pulled into a Holiday Inn or something.' He continued "today I'll make sure we don't press as hard." 

** 

We made it the rest of the way down without any further incidents but the mood between us was still strained. We took an extra day before continuing to gather more provisions and rest. It was nice to have hot tea, even if it was 'moss' tea. Somehow, it had managed to grow on me. Ben came into the camp with heavy water bottles and a big smile on his face. 

"I managed to find a stream not to far from here! I was worried if we were going to find another source of water on this side of the mountain." The relief in his voice was obvious and I hadn't even realized he was concerned. 

"Where is this stream?" 

"About 1.5 km west." 

I gathered my pack and headed in that direction. 

"Where are you going? I have enough water here." 

"Ben, I haven't seen water in a little over a week and I am going to take a bath" 

"Hold on, I'll go with you". He gathered the rest of his gear and we moved camp. 

The stream wasn't that big, but it did have a nice water fall. I dropped my gear and headed into the water clothes and all. 

"What are you doing?" 

"What good is it to get a bath if you have to put dirty clothes back on? The way I figure it, I can kill two birds with one stone!" I laughed and headed towards the waterfall. 

I was surprised to see Ben join me-clothes and all- and laughing we managed to look like something the cat wouldn't even bother to drag in. The heavier our clothes became the more layers we shed. I couldn't help but notice the way his t-shirt was clinging to his chest and those jeans, that already looked like they were painted on, became even more skin tight. I don't think he'd be able to get out of those now if he had a crow bar- not that I was complaining mind you. I finally managed to drag my mind away long enough to realize what I must be looking like. I stopped wearing a bra at least two weeks ago and the way my tank top was clinging, left absolutely no doubt of my arousal for Ben. I quickly turned my back to him and finished rinsing off, and noticing the water was on the cool side was ready to get out. 

We made our way back to shore and hung our wet clothes on bushes and tree limbs. With as hot as the weather was, it wouldn't take more than a few hours for them to dry. That night we had a very satisfying dinner and rested by a nice fire. 

"....No Ben, I'm pretty sure it was Aesop, not Plato." 

He looked thoughtful for a moment "You are correct. I don't know how I could have made such a simple mistake." 

"Happens to the best of us" I smiled. Somehow, we had managed to find a comfortable silence again. I'm not quite sure when it happened, but it was nice to have it back. My thoughts wandered and before I knew it, I was asking Ben about the one topic I had managed to avoid the entire 4 weeks we had been alone. 

"Do you miss them?" I said quietly. 

"Yes I do, very much. Is there anyone imparticular you can't wait to see again?" 

"No. I hadn't been in Chicago that long and the only friends I had made were the people I worked with, now they are gone..." 

"Is that why you haven't seemed anxious to return?" 

"You certainly don't miss much do you?...there really isn't much for me to go back to. Not that I don't want to see a nice warm bed, a mall, and a really long hot bath with bubbles..." 

Ben chuckled "well, soon enough" 

"Who do you miss the most Ben?" 

He was thoughtful for a few minutes "Ray" 

"Your partner?" Ben nodded and I continued "isn't there a girl somewhere waiting for you to return? As I recall, Frannie seemed pretty close to you when I was at the station..." 

Ben cleared his throat as a look of horror crossed his face. "We're just good friends" 

"It seems to me she wants to be more than that" I was smiling at the way he was fidgeting. This could be fun. "What about your boss? What did Ray call her... The dragon lady? She's attractive. Didn't you ever ask her out?" 

"Ah... It would be inappropriate for us to pursue any type of relationship outside of the office." 

I looked at him quizzically, it's what he hadn't said that made me wonder. He caught my look and continued as he poked at the fire and added another log. 

"There was one time I thought we might....well, give it a try...but she made it quite clear that she didn't think of me in that way. It was a long time ago though." 

Although I couldn't imagine ANY woman not thinking of him in that way, I could tell that it was still a sensitive subject for him and moved on. "You know, it's getting late and we have a long day of hiking ahead of us so maybe we should turn in." 

Ben didn't look up. You go ahead, I'll be there in a little bit" 

I had noticed that since he yelled at me, he would wait until I was asleep before joining me. If it wasn't for the fact that I would wake up during the night to find him next to me, I would assume he didn't sleep beside me at all. I tried not to show my disappointment and crawled into the blankets. This time though I wasn't going to go quietly. I looked over to where Ben was. 

"Can I ask you something?" 

He looked at me and I continued "why don't you...well, since the mountain..." I took a deep breath and continued. "Ben, before the mountain, we always went to sleep together, and now, you don't go to bed until I'm asleep. Did I do something to offend you?" 

"I hadn't realized it. If you prefer, I can go to sleep now..." 

"No, that's o.k. I just wanted to make sure everything was o.k. Between us" I know I had no right to ask him, but I really missed falling asleep to the sound of his heartbeat. I guess I need to get used to it sooner or later. 'When we get back...' A lump formed in my throat 'I'll fall asleep alone anyway'. It didn't occur to me at the moment that he had managed to avoid my question. 

*** 

FIVE WEEKS 

I watched Ben as we moved through the forest. He had an easy gait about him. As if no matter what terrain he encountered, he glided. We had formed the habit of him taking the lead these past five weeks and I must say, the view I had was something very enjoyable. The last few weeks had gone without incident and I almost forgot that we were nearing home. Almost. 

I caught site of some wild raspberries and glancing at Ben, decided to take a few minutes to pick some. After all, I could catch up easily. Ben didn't like it when I diverted but what he doesn't know, can't hurt him. I took off my pack and knelt as I placed the berries in a pouch. 'This should go rather nice with dinner tonight.' 

"Ah..hum!" 

I looked up to see Ben leaning against a tree with his arms folded across his chest. I gave a small smile and held up the pouch as a peace offering. 

"Berries?" 

The look on his face was stern and I could tell he wasn't too happy about my side trip. 

"It was just a few minutes Ben, I would have caught up" 

-silence- 

"Well, umm...., I guess we should get going?" 

His expression was still schooled...but was that a twinkle in his eye? 

"Oh Ben!" I pushed him back a little and smiled "how did you know I was gone so quick anyway?" 

He laughed breaking the stern expression. "I noticed the berries when we passed and had a feeling that you wouldn't be able to resist the urge to pick them." 

"I guess you think you know me so well, do you? I may just have to surprise you then wont I?" 

We continued to hike until dusk was setting in and made camp in a small clearing surrounded by a few large boulders. It seemed rather odd that in the middle of this huge forest, this was the one area that hadn't been overtaken by the big evergreens. After dinner we had our tea and for the first time in weeks I was able to get a uninhibited view of the stars. I laid on the blankets and stared until I thought my eyes would fall out their sockets. Ben banked the fire for the night and joined me. 

"You never did tell me what you wish for Analise" he said looking up at the heavens. I knew he was talking about the conversation we started three weeks ago. 'Doesn't he ever forget anything?'. 

"Now you know if I tell it wont come true." 

"Maybe, but perhaps I will be able to help" 

Was I **_hearing_** this? This is the man I wish every night would spend the rest of his life with me and he's asking if he can _help_ make my wish come true. 'Somebody just pinch me'. 

"Analise?" 

"Uh-huh?" 

"Is there something bothering you?" 

"No!..no, just thinking is all" 

"It is late. Perhaps we should get some shut-eye" he proceeded to take off his hiking boots and I felt my breath catch. 'Did he mean both of us?' He hadn't went to sleep the same time as me for the past two weeks and all of a sudden he is? Maybe wishes do come true after all. I removed my sneakers and we both got under the covers. At first I was a little apprehensive since I didn't know what brought about this change, but when he lifted me into his embrace and I placed my head in the crook of his arm like we used to, I immediately relaxed. He drew small circles on my back and gave me gentle caresses until he felt my entire body relax. I was trying desperately not to fall asleep so I could savor every moment when I heard Ben speak. At first I thought he was talking to me but it soon became clear he was talking to someone that I couldn't see or hear. I laid quietly so as not to disturb what was apparently a very personal moment for him. 

"I know dad, I _am_ trying to get us back as soon as possible..... Have you heard anything from Chicago?.... Don't be silly... Yes she _is_ attractive...enough with the grandchildren already! I am not taking the long way back.... I'm not going to discuss this with you right now" he said in a hushed whisper. 

I mumbled and moved a little, pretending to be shifting in my sleep and the conversation paused. 

"Dad, go away already". Ben's part of the conversation ended and I assume that his 'dad' must have left. This was something that I wasn't prepared for yet, for some odd reason, I didn't think it was too strange. I knew that his father was dead and perhaps he draws comfort from speaking to him. I had to force myself not to open my eyes while he was talking to just 'make sure'there wasn't anyone in the camp with us. Besides, if he can talk to a deaf wolf, why not a dead father? 

The next morning Ben was up as usual when I awoke. I really didn't feel like moving. Every muscle in my body ached and I was getting tired of doing the same thing everyday. I didn't want to admit that part of it had to do with the fact that everyday brought us a little closer to home. 

"Good morning!" I looked over at Ben and groaned. 'No one in their right mind should be that cheerful this early in the morning'. Ben brought a cup of tea over to me and sat it down when I didn't get up right away. 

"How did you sleep?" 

I took a deep breath and tried to loosen a few muscles "fine, I think I over did it a little yesterday. I guess I shouldn't have made that wild dash after our dinner. I really wanted to have some fresh meat though". 

He smiled down at me and shook his head "you did have me going there for a moment" 

I massaged a sore shoulder blade and Ben sat his cup down. 

"Roll over". I looked at him like he was speaking greek and he leaned closer, repeating his statement. 

"Roll over" I did as was told and Ben slowly began to massage my sore shoulders and back. I couldn't help but think that the only thing standing between his hands and my bare skin was the tank top I was wearing. The massage was doing more for me than just loosening tight muscles and I quickly rolled over. Ben looked down at me and I could have swore that his face was flushed. He was breathing a little heavy and had I not known better, I would have bet that was desire I saw in his eyes. Ben broke the contact and reached for his cup. 

"We should get started before it gets too late." 

I sat up and reached for my cup "thanks for the back rub" I looked over at him and smiled. 

"My pleasure" he turned his back and started to pack up all the gear we weren't using. 'Stop it girl! Now you are imagining him feeling the same way about you! At this rate you are going to drive yourself crazy before we even get back to Chicago'. I took a deep breath and tried to think logically. 'There have been plenty of times he could have said or done something if he was interested in me and there was nothing'. I just need to keep reminding myself of that. 

** 

We covered a lot of terrain today and by the time we decided to make camp, we were too exhausted to make dinner so we just drank tea and ate some dried meat. Both of us proved more than capable in hunting and foraging for food and we had at least a 5 day supply in the ready in case we needed it. 

Going to bed early was the best thing I could imagine and no sooner did my head hit my pillow-well, Ben's chest- was I asleep. 

-KA-BOOM!- I jumped as a loud crack of thunder ripped me from my sleep. I reached for Ben and felt air. 

"Ben!" Looking around I discovered he was quickly gathering up our belongings and when he heard me call his name he looked over. 

"We need to find shelter!" His voice held an urgency and I figured if something was bad enough to rattle him, I wasn't going to stick around to see it for myself. I didn't know what time it was but the sky was pitch black except for the occasional bolt of lightening. I scrambled to gather up our belongings and just as we finished securing the packs, the sky opened up and nothing short of a monsoon poured down on us. 

Ben grabbed my hand "come on!" 

I don't know how he managed to navigate through the darkness and I did my best to keep up with him. I heard another thunder crack and the sky was lit up as a nearby tree caught fire. Ben ran even faster, dragging me along. The smell of burning wood and leaves grew stronger and I looked back in horror as the fire spread behind us. Ben lead us to a rock face and after walking it's length, feeling the side with his hand for a few minutes, he pushed me into a narrow opening. I felt my way down the sides. The area was about 4 feet wide and sloped downward at a sharp angle. Behind me I saw a beam of light and Ben's arm snaked around my waist to hand me a flashlight. 

"Go back as far as you can" 

I glanced behind Ben and seeing the orange glow from the opening, needed no convincing. We were a good 30m, I'd guess, underground before the passage narrowed too much for us to continue. Ben helped me off with my pack and dug out a damp blanket, placing it around my shoulders. Then he took one out for himself. We sat on the ground and Ben maneuvered around until I was sitting between his legs with my back leaning into his chest. He then wrapped his arms around me and rested his head on my shoulder. We sat there like that, quietly, listening to the forest around us die. 

As cold as it was with us soaking wet and no fire, I felt warm and safe in his arms. No matter what the situation is, Ben always manages to find a solution. I smiled to myself and had to ask him. 

"How did you know this place was here?" His breath was warm against my ear. 

"I found it yesterday when I was hunting. Being underground, we should have sufficient oxygen to sustain us. Smoke rises. This also is an enclosed space so there is no draft to pull the fire down on us. All we need to do is wait it out." 

We sat quietly the rest of the night and when we did talk it was in muted tones. As if talking normal would somehow alert the fire that we were here. We could hear the storm continue it's assault and hoped it would be enough to put out the flames before too much wildlife was lost. 

After a long night, in which neither of us slept, we emerged from our hiding place to survey the damage. The once dense forrest was now a barren, charred wasteland. The fire had stopped but in many places there was still smoke rising from the trunks of fallen trees. Ben held my hand for moral support as we picked our way through the ruins. We didn't stop to make breakfast. After seeing the destruction, neither of us felt much like eating. Every once in a while, we'd come across the body of an animal that had been unable to escape the carnage. After about two hours of walking through the destruction Ben broke off from me and ran to a small outcrop of rocks. He was leaning over and when I was close enough, I realized he was throwing up. At first I wasn't sure whether or not to approach him, but he had been there for me and I wanted to return the favor. I rubbed his back and held him until he could do nothing but dry heave, then handed him a piece of cloth and a water bottle. 

Ben looked into my eyes,"Thank you". 

I smiled at him and moved away so he could compose himself. 

We continued walking for three more hours and finally saw where the fire had ended. We set up camp about a quarter km inside the forest so we couldn't see the ruins. It did little for the fact that we could still smell the damage. It was early enough for us to lay out our gear so it would have time to dry before tonight. That night we decided to make dinner out of our reserves. I knew all the animals would be scarce from the strong smell of fire and also knew when Ben said he was going hunting, that he just needed some time to himself. 

I was humming a tune when Ben returned and didn't hear him at first. He sat down and I jumped. 

"I'm sorry... I didn't mean to frighten you". 

"It's ok" 

"What's that song you were humming? I'm not familiar with the tune". 

A little embarrassed I replied "My All' by Mariah Carey" 

I went back to preparing the food. 

"Would you sing it for me?" 

I turned bright red and started to fidget. "I normally don't torture people I like with my limited singing ability". I was doing my best to side step the question, but up against the king of diversion I didn't stand a chance. 

"You still didn't answer my question." 

My mind was racing as I tried to come up with a suitable excuse. I made my one fatal mistake of looking into his big round innocent blue eyes and knew I was done for. 

I sighed and lowered my head "you sure you want to hear this?" I knew I could hold my own when it came to singing, but this song reminded me so much of my feelings for Ben, it was like opening up my diary to the most private page and saying 'here-read it'. 

Ben nodded his head and I began. 

' _I'm thinking of you...in my sleepless solitude tonight. If it's wrong to love you...then my heart just won't let me be right. 'Cuz I'm drowned in you and I wont pull through without you by my side. I'd give my all, to have just one more night with you...I'd risk my life to feel...your body next to mine. 'Cuz I can't go on..living in the memory of our song. I'd give my all, for your love tonight._

_Baby can you feel me...imagining I'm looking in your eyes. I can see you clearly...vividly emblazoned in my mind and your just so far like a distant star, I'm wishing on tonight...'_

__I had been unable to look at Ben during the song for fear that he would see my true feelings, but decided to risk a glance at him now that I'd had a moment to compose myself.

His face was sober and he was staring at me with such an intensity it gave me goosebumps. At least I thought he was staring at me. I realized he was looking at something inside his mind. "Are you ok Ben?" 

He snapped out of his thoughts and gave me a wistful smile. "I'm sorry, it was lovely Analise. It just.... Reminded me of someone." 

"Oh." My heart felt like he had stabbed it and I had to fight hard to not let the tears fall that were brimming in my eyes. I busied myself with the rest of the food looking for any excuse not to face him. 'It reminded him of someone else' he may as well have stabbed me. I tried to rationalize it. Tried to convince myself that loving him was enough no mater what he felt for me but the truth was I couldn't. I thought back to all those nights he would cling to me in some nightmare and call out. Was it that woman he kept mentioning? What was her name... Victoria? I would comfort him and hold him until his body would relax and beyond. He was in love with her. I wanted to mention it when I asked him if someone was waiting for him, but didn't have the nerve. 'At least now I have my answer'. 

I handed Ben his plate and ate in silence although I wasn't hungry anymore. 

** 

"Analise?" 

"Yes?" 

"Is something bothering you?" 

"Now why would you say that?" 

"It just seems...well..." I gave him a hard look that hopefully conveyed the message 'I don't want to talk right now'. Ben continued "I guess it's not important". 

Ben spread the blankets out and after getting ready slipped under the covers and looked at me. I was still poking at the fire as I had been all night and didn't look at him. 

"Are you coming to bed?" 

I laughed to myself. Words uttered from his mouth any girl in their right mind would pay a million dollars to hear and the last thing I wanted to do was climb into bed with him now. I felt like such a fool! All this time I was dancing around 'little miss giddy pants' and he was in love with another woman. I don't know why I didn't see it before... How can a guy that cute and polite and perfect NOT have a girlfriend? You'd think he would have bothered to mention her at least once these past few weeks. Victoria... I wonder what she looks like? She must be some knock out to be with him. For once, just for once, I'd like a man to get to know me for me. Of course... If he would get to know me, he would dump the obviously perfect model he was seeing and realize that I'm the one he wants to grow old with. I sighed. I've seen 'While you were sleeping' way to many times. Things like that didn't happen in real life. 

I never answered Ben and he laid down, put his arms behind his head and closed his eyes. After about a half hour, I grabbed the flashlight and headed out of camp. I wasn't sure where I was going, I just was so tired and upset and needed to get away from Ben. Perhaps not seeing him would help me clear my head. I wandered for about 10 minutes and sat down on a fallen tree trunk. Why does life have to be so difficult? I know I shouldn't take it out on Ben, it's my own fault. He never once made any type of advances towards me, this was all one sided. Knowing that didn't make it any easier to face the fact that my heart was breaking. I stretched out on the log and closed my eyes. I'll just take a quick rest, then head back. I was really tired and my back was killing me from hiking and hunkering over the fire. 

* 

Ben slowly opened his eyes when he heard Analise leave the campsite. At first he wanted to say something, tell her it would be dangerous to venture from the fire, but the way she had been acting all evening made him hesitate. He took note of the direction she left in and waited as knots stated to form in his stomach. 

20 minutes had passed and he was starting to get worried. She should have been back by now. He put his boots on and left in the same direction she took. He didn't have any light and hoped he was on the right trail. What was that up ahead? Yes! He made his way towards the beam of the flashlight and found her laying face down- asleep- on a log. Relief washed over him and he picked her up gently, trying not to wake her and took her back to the blankets. After he had her situated, he climbed in beside her and held her to him. He knew it was silly to fret so much over her and he tried not to show it, but he felt very possessive of Analise. The risks she took scared him to death sometimes and the last thing he wanted was for her to push him away because he was being too overprotective. So he hung back, and helped her when he could, without seeming too obvious about it. 

He couldn't get it out of his mind earlier when she was singing to him. She was so beautiful and more than a small part of him had hoped that she was singing that song for him. Ever since then, he couldn't wait for tonight so he could feel her beside him. He would lay awake for hours watching her sleep. And would take note of the small smile play across her lips. Sometimes, when he allowed himself to indulge a little, he would caress her face and run a gentle finger across those lips wishing it were his lips touching hers instead. When she didn't come to bed, it felt as if someone had stabbed him in the heart. 

He knew he did something wrong earlier and for the life of him he couldn't figure out what it could be. Ben looked at the sleeping face beside him and shuddered. He almost lost her once, on the way down from the mountain and had never felt so helpless in his life. He heard her plea's to cut the rope and was aware that she was reaching for his knife when he saw the opening. A lump formed in his throat. There would have been nothing he could have done had she continued, except hold on as long as possible and then fall with her, to try and take some of the impact himself so she might live. 

He took a deep breath and wiped a tear from his face. 

Every morning he would lie awake watching her breath in the morning air. Little clouds of vapor would form around her mouth. His arousal would grow so fervently, he had to get up first to compose himself. The last thing he wanted was to make her feel uncomfortable around him. Ben thought back to the mountain when they were in the cave. He had cleaned up her wounds and made her comfortable, but was aware of the dried tears on her face and knew he didn't deserve to be near her. She deserved someone who didn't have a dark side. It took him the whole two weeks wrestling with his emotions before he could lie down with her again. The need to feel her arms willingly around him had won out over his sense of guilt. Ben lifted Analise up onto his chest and wrapped his arms around her back. Satisfied, he was finally able to fall asleep. 

** 

I took a deep breath and stretched before opening my eyes. Something was different... I looked around and saw Ben's back as he was preparing breakfast. Over by his side I saw the flashlight and everything from the night before came flooding back. The last thing I wanted to do was spend the day feeling sorry for myself and knew I had to put things into perspective. When I thought about it, I should have picked up on the signs he was giving me. At night he had no choice but to sleep with me to conserve body heat, but he was always up early. He probably didn't want to spend anymore time that close to me than he had to. 'This is all my own doing, and I've gotta be the one to fix it'. I was about to sit up when I realized something. 'How did I get back here? The last thing I remember was laying on the log...' I looked over at Ben and realized- again- that I had made him go out of his way to help me. The only thing I can do now is keep my distance and try to keep my thoughts in check. It's not his fault I'm a basket case. 

Sitting up I noticed Ben was looking at me and I sighed. 'Now or never I suppose' 

"Look, Ben... You didn't have to come and get me last night. I would have woke up and made it back on my own." 

He quickly interjected "I didn't mean to question your abilities...it's just, well, I couldn't sleep and decided to go for a walk myself. I just happened upon you and decided to bring you back. You know...conserve the batteries in the flashlight" 

"Oh." 'Well that hurt. He's more concerned with saving the flashlight.' 

"I'll make sure I'm more careful with it in the future". I wondered if that sounded as lame as I thought it did. 

I busied myself the rest of the morning with rearranging my pack, checking supplies, and just about everything else I could so I wouldn't have to think of Ben and someone else. 'It's not my place to ask' I kept reminding myself. I looked over at Ben, he was carving something out of a block of wood and seemed oblivious to my mental state. 'Thank goodness for small favors'. I stood and placed my hands on my hips. 'Perhaps if I get a few hours to myself I can shake this feeling.' I picked up my pack and started to walk out of camp. 

Ben stopped whittling "what are you doing?" 

Looking down at Ben I tried to keep my voice calm, nonchalant "I decided to head out a while. When you are ready you can catch up." 

"Analise" Ben stood up and walked over to me "It would be wiser to stay together." He was standing less than a foot from me and I looked up into his face uncertain for a minute, but I managed to strengthen my resolve. 

"I'm sure you'll be fine Ben" I winced at the edge I could hear in my voice and made to walk past him. 

Ben spun me around and held onto my upper arms. "Why are you so upset with me? What did I do?" His voice was pleading but I was determined. 

"Nothing, look Ben, it's not you it's me o.k.? I just need some time to myself." I said as I tried to move from his grasp. His voice hardened 

"Tell me what I did". He made it clear that he wasn't going to let me go anywhere and resigned, I sat down and dropped my pack. 

"It's none of my business" 

"What isn't?" He asked as he joined me. "Analise, is there something you want to ask me? You can say anything to me. Please tell me what's been bothering you." 

I slowly looked over at Ben "why didn't you tell me you have a girlfriend?" 

Ben blinked a few times and got that confused look on his face "Analise, I have no idea what you are talking about" 

I sighed and tried to stand but Ben placed his hand on my arm. "Your girlfriend. I heard you call her name in your sleep quite a few times. And yesterday when I sang that song you said it reminded you of someone. I just assumed it was her." 

"Who? Whose name did I call out?" Ben was truly confused and I felt horribly embarrassed. 

"Victoria." I said quietly. 

Ben's face paled and I could see a fine tremor run through his body. This was definitely not the reaction I was expecting. Ben tilted his head up as if he was praying and then slumped over putting his head in his hands. He sat that way for a few minutes and I was really becoming uncomfortable. 'Oh man! What if something terrible had happened to her? What if she died? That would explain his reaction and here I am making him relive it!' At that moment I wanted to crawl under a rock and die. 

"I'm sorry...I..I shouldn't have said anything. It was none of my business." I mumbled as I picked up my pack and headed out of camp. 

I walked quickly as tears streamed down my face for the pain I caused Ben. If anyone didn't deserve to be sad it was him. 'Can I have a brain cell for $100 Alex' I thought to myself. When will I ever learn to keep my big mouth shut??? I didn't know if I could face him again. I would rather have my spleen ripped out with a meat hook than cause him pain but that's just what I did. 

I wasn't paying attention to where I was going and the next thing I knew, the ground below me fell away. I had managed to grab hold of an exposed root but when the dirt stopped falling, I noticed I was about 2m down on a very high cliff. I tried to hoist myself up but my there was too much loose dirt to get a good grip and the only thing I could do to gain any advantage was lose my pack. I watched as it fell and noticed where it landed so I could go down and get it. 

"Damn!" I slowly made my way back up and by the time I reached solid ground I was covered head to toe in dirt. Looking over the ledge I let out a breath as I realized how close of a call I had. 'At least I didn't have to ask Ben for help this time' I felt pleased for myself and went to find a way down to retrieve my gear. 

** 

Ben had shut down. He was so shocked that Analise uttered *her* name that he couldn't move. He was aware when she left camp and his soul was screaming for her not to go. She didn't understand. He remembered too well the nightmares and every time they ended the same way. He would be running towards Victoria as the train pulled away faster and faster and he would look away to see Ray approaching. When he would look back she would have a gun in her hand, just as he would reach her, she would pull the trigger and he would fall in disbelief crying out her name. 

"IT DIDN'T HAPPEN LIKE THAT!" He screamed to no one. In his dreams though, he knew it was his soul she killed that night at the train station. She couldn't have done a more efficient job had she a real gun. He would always love her, but he knew it was not the right kind of love. It was more desperation. Love doesn't take something from you...it completes you. He also realized he hadn't had a nightmare since admitting to himself that he loved Analise. Ben shook his head in disbelief "even now Victoria is trying to sabotage my life". Well not this time. He gathered his pack and smiling, left to find that stubborn, strong willed, incredible woman. 

** 

I made my way down the cliff slowly. It had taken me about an hour to not only find a suitable area, but to get up the nerve to shimmy down the side. I had no clue how I was going to get back up. After searching for what seemed like forever, I found my pack. sat down and pulled out a water bottle. 'This isn't so bad... I'm sure Ben will come by soon and If I'm lucky, we would have been heading in this direction anyway'. I eased my aching back against my pack and munched on some dried berries. Maybe I shouldn't have left him, he was pretty upset. No, I've made enough mess for myself and the last thing he needs is for me in his face to remind him. 'Fess up girl! Your running away, your running away like you always do when things get ugly. That's how you ended up in Chicago remember?' -- great, now my own mind is turning against me. I closed my eyes and tried to forget the biggest 'foot in the mouth' job I ever created. Well, at least things can't get any worse... 

* 

Something was on my neck and I jumped - startled- and tried to sit up. 

Ben was leaning over me with a concerned look on his face "take it easy" and gently pushed me back down. 

"Ben-- what are you doing?" I tried to sit up again but he was adamant. I noticed the rope hanging from the cliff behind him and became aware he was poking at me. It only took a second to realize with the way I was looking he must have thought I fell. 

I pushed his hands away again and tried to sit up for a third time "I think your misunderstanding something here Ben..." 

His voice cracked as he continued to poke while holding me down with his other hand "you fell off the cliff, correct?" 

"Yes, but--" 

"Stay still!" 

I laid back down and tried to think of a way to convince him I was all right. 

"O.k. Ben, listen. I did fall off the cliff but I didn't fall the whole way down. I grabbed a tree root and pulled myself back up. I needed to drop my pack to gain enough leverage and then I came down here to find it. I'm ok Ben" 

He looked at me for a minute like he didn't know whether to believe me or chalk it up to a concussion. At least he stopped poking me. 

Again I tried to get through to him "I'm fine Ben". This time I did manage to push his hands away and I stood up. "See" I said turning in a circle "good as new, except for the ton of dirt I accumulated". 

Ben just stared at me for a moment and I could tell he was trying to compose himself. I walked over to him and placed a hand on his shoulder " thanks for caring though.." I said and genuinely meant it. 

Ben jerked as if he had been burned and hoisted his pack. He refused to make eye contact with me and his voice was low and even when he spoke. 

"We need to get moving before we lose too much daylight." He then headed out without waiting and left the rope behind. 

I stared in the direction he had taken long after I couldn't see him any more and decided he must still be angry with me about bringing up Victoria. When he thought I was hurt, that was one thing, but now that I'm ok his anger was back. I couldn't blame him though, if I lost someone I cared for, I wouldn't want to be reminded of it by an irritating person you've been stuck in the woods with for five and a half weeks. 

I gathered my gear and headed out after Ben. He must be hurting really bad to have walked off I thought to myself. 'Well, the least I can do is apologize to him and then never mention her name again. 

* 

I looked at my watch, 5:30 pm. Ben should have made camp by now. I looked around at the broken twigs and footprints in the soft ground. 'At least I didn't lose his trail. As a matter of fact, it looked like he went out of his way to mark it'. Taking a closer look, I noticed his footprints were farther apart than usual 'I guess when he's with me, I slow him down.' 

It took me another hour before I found the camp and Ben looked up as I came into view. Exhausted, I dropped my pack and stretched out against it. Ben had by the looks of things caught fish for dinner and had it cooking over the fire. He looked like hell and I kicked myself once again for opening my mouth. I was surprised then when he actually spoke to me. 

"Hi". 

"Hi-- your a hard man to keep up with" 

He poured a cup of tea and brought it over to me. 

"Thanks" 'say it Analise! Just spit it out that your sorry'. I opened my mouth but no sound came out. I tried again but I was interrupted. 

"I didn't realize how fast I was traveling" 

"No big deal. I see you found dinner... I don't suppose the source is anywhere near here is it?" 

Ben looked down at my dirt covered body and smiled "as a matter of fact, it's right over there." 

I looked in the direction he pointed to and my mouth dropped as I saw the stream clearly through the trees. 'Man, I must be tired to have missed that'. 

I headed towards the water and noticed when I was at the edge that in the middle it was fairly deep. I peeled off my dirty clothes-- all of them-- and headed out. When I was far enough from shore, I dove under and I could never remember water feeling so good! I took my time enjoying the coolness and reluctantly decided to head back only when dusk was settling in. 

Scrambling onto shore I looked around. "Ok, where are my clothes? I know I had left them here when I went in..." 

Hearing a rustling in the trees, I looked up to see Ben approaching. Quickly I dove behind the nearest tree hoping it was wide enough. 

"Analise?" 

'Ok, think girl!' 

Ben's eyes followed my wet trail and came to rest on my head barely peeking out from my hiding place. 

"Analise?" Ben had an amused look on his face. 

"Oh, hi Ben...I didn't hear you. I, uh...don't suppose you've seen my clothes hanging out around here...anywhere...have you?" I felt a blush creep to my face and did my best to look like it was perfectly natural to be hugging a tree buck naked. 

I could tell Ben was trying not to smile and I *didn't* think he was doing a very good job of it. 

"Actually, yes" I let out a relieved breath. 

"Great! Where are they?" 

"I washed them". 

"Excuse me?" 

"I washed them. They were covered in dirt and I know how you hate putting on dirty clothes after you've washed... So I took the liberty". 

"Oh". 

I looked down at my predicament. I certainly didn't want to spend all night hugging a tree, but what else could I do? I looked up when Ben spoke. 

"I...ah..thought you could wear this while they dried. They should be ready by morning". 

I looked at the item in Ben's hand, he was holding out his leather jacket. 'Ok girl, don't panic.' 

I analyzed my situation hard. Since I couldn't come up with a more suitable solution I reluctantly reached out a hand and sighed. 

The material felt cool against my skin as I pulled the zipper up to right past my breasts. Although the jacket was at least two sizes to big, I tugged at the bottom and hoped it adequately covered mine. Convinced this was the best I could cover myself I headed into camp. Ben looked up from the fire and I could have swore I heard his breath catch. Blushing, I went and sat down beside him on the blanket he had spread out. It took me a minute, but I finally managed to find a relatively conservative position. Ben waited until after I was settled and handed me a plate. 

"Thanks" I ate quietly thinking of how to approach the subject. Looking around, I noticed wood chips on the other side of the fire and smiled letting out a little laugh. 

"What" 

"Nothing- I was just noticing that you've been whittling again." 

Ben smiled and offered me tea. As I reached for the cup, the sleeve of the jacket fell down and engulfed my hand. 

"Here, let me help you" he moved so close I was more than aware his body was touching me in quite a few places. I held out my hand and Ben neatly rolled the material out of my way. When he was finished he reached for my other hand and after completing that task, continued to hold it rubbing his thumb gently across the back. He was looking down so I couldn't see the expression of his face but I knew the time had come to face the music. 

"Ben, I'm sorry I said anything earlier, I should have just minded my own business. I didn't realize it was a sensitive subject and I don't blame you for walking away..." 

Ben looked up and interrupted "you think that's why I left earlier?" 

I shook my head yes, what other reason could there have been? 

"Analise,... Victoria isn't my girlfriend. We were... Well, I'm not sure what we were. There was a time when I thought I loved her and would have done anything for her, but... It ended badly. She tried to ruin my life and in doing so, almost ruined Ray's too. I don't think she ever loved me. Not that it matters now anyway. I was just unprepared when you mentioned her name. I may have called out her name in my sleep sometimes, but it isn't what you think. I don't miss her a-tall. What she did was so horrible, I sometimes have nightmares about it. I should have told you earlier but it brought back too many bad memories." 

I sat up on my knees and hugged Ben. "I am so sorry". For an instant I felt his body stiffen and I held on tighter. After a few minutes he brought his arms up and held me closer. I don't know how long we sat like that, I had lost all feelings in my legs but I didn't care. I continued to hold on, 'as long as it takes'. I felt something seeping through the leather of the jacket onto my shoulder and realized Ben was crying. I rubbed my hands through his hair and down his back whispering to him that it everything would be all right. "I'm here Ben... I'm not going anywhere". 

After a lifetime of making up for lost closeness - on both of our parts- Ben loosened his hold and pulled back to look into my eyes. I had been crying for him as much as for myself and he reached up to wipe at a tear on my cheek. 

"So, if that's not why you left, what was the reason?" 

Ben's face was strained as his mind took him back to the earlier incident. "When I reached the side of the cliff, I looked over and saw you lying there. I called your name and when you didn't answer I assumed you had fallen..." 

"I didn't mean to worry you Ben... I must have fell asleep and just didn't hear you. Is that why you left?" 

Ben looked down and nodded. " I had never been so frightened in my whole life and if something would have happened to you...I wouldn't been able to live with myself. I just needed to work through the feelings that caused before I could face you" 

"Oh". My mind was racing at his confession but I still wasn't sure if he was concerned for me as more than a friend and I didn't have the nerve to ask him. "I have an idea" Ben waited for me to continue "how about we don't go anywhere without each other from now on?" 

Ben gave me a sly grin "why do you think I took your clothes?" 

*** 

WEEK SEVEN 

"Sit still Ben!" I was straddling him as he leaned up against a log. "Do want me to do this or not? This was you idea remember?" 

Ben stopped his fidgeting and nodded his head. 

"Just close your eyes, lean back and relax." I leaned over and whispered near his ear in the most seductive voice I could muster "Don't be afraid" 

At first Ben's eyes grew wide and I heard him gulp but he eventually complied. I picked up his hunting knife and carefully dragged it across the exposed skin of his throat. 

"See, I told you I knew what I was doing! You've been missing that spot for the last seven weeks." 

Ben felt his now smooth skin and smiled at me. "Perhaps I should let you shave me from now on" 

I thought of the position I was sitting in and couldn't argue with that logic. 

"Well, if you want something done right, you'd better ask a woman to begin with" I smiled at him. 

"Yes ma'am" 

I stood and turned away from him so he wouldn't see the 'cat ate the canary' look on my face. Then continued to pack up the morning gear. For at least the past week I have been trying to figure out a way to get Ben back for tickling me when we were on top of our mountain. Never have I been one to make a threat and not carry it out. I thought of all the usual... Putting animal dung in his boots at night, pouring honey on him and adding animal fur...nothing I thought up seemed right though. There has gotta be something! I picked up my pack as we headed out and vowed to think of the ultimate payback! 

About halfway into the day I had an epiphany! The *ultimate* payback. 'Oh this is gonna be good' I smiled evilly at Ben's back and had to stop myself from laughing out loud. Now to find a way not to raise his suspicions until I could carry out my diabolical revenge! At that moment Ben chose to turn around and I did my best to put an innocent look on my face. 

"This looks like a good place to rest for now" 

I put down my pack and smiled up at him. 

"What has you in such a good mood?" 

"Oh, nothing. I was just thinking..." 

"Well, to be quite honest with you, I find myself in good spirits more often myself." Ben said as he pulled some dried meat from his pack with a water bottle. 

"Oohhh, are you gonna share with the whole class or keep it to yourself?" 

He grinned at my use of another- what did he call them 'colorful metaphor' 

"I believe my estimates of our travel time were right on track and if I'm not mistaken, we may even run into civilization earlier than the end of next week." 

I stared at him in disbelief. He sure did know how to ruin a girls good mood. "That's.., that's great" I said as enthusiastically as I could. I hoped he didn't notice I wasn't as excited as him but when he continued I realized he was oblivious. 

"It sure will be great to see everyone again. And Diefenbaker, I'll bet he's the size of a house by now with all the junk food he's been begging off people. I'll have to start him on a strict diet as soon as we return" 

Ben's face was elated as he rambled on. But my mind had wandered in another direction. 

"You know Ben... I don't even know where you live in Chicago." 

"Oh, I used to live at 221 W Rancine but my apartment building was burned down by a performance arsonist. So I have been living at the consulate since then." 

"You mean where you work? I didn't know they had bedrooms there." 

"Well, they have the queens bedroom but I don't use that. I sleep in my office." 

"Why?" 

"I find that I don't need a lot of room and this way I am at work in case someone needs anything." 

"That's...that's odd Ben. What did Ray think about that?" 

"Which one?" 

"What do you mean which one, your partner Ray" 

"Well, at the time of the arson, the real Ray, the one you met had gone deep under cover with the mob and another Ray had taken his place to keep his cover from being blown. After a time though, the second Ray also became a good friend of mine and even after the first Ray returned, he stayed and still works at the 27th. To avoid confusion though, we call the second Ray Stanley which is his given name. Ray was only his middle one. He was on leave when you were at the station." 

I stared at Ben like he was speaking a language I didn't understand. "Ok kids, did anyone get that?" 

I said outloud. 

Ben took a deep breath to start explaining again but I held up a hand to stop him. "Let me just absorb that and I'll get back to you if I have any questions" 

He shut his mouth and smiled at me. 

We hiked the rest of the day and pitched camp about at six o'clock. I noticed we had been following the river for the past week solid and again set up camp within sight of it. After all the small mountain runoffs that were flowing into it, the river had become fairly large. There was no way you could walk across it now and in the middle was a pretty strong current. Perfect for my plan. We didn't really need to hunt or fish for food anymore, over the past few weeks we gathered enough vegetables and got lucky last week by bringing down a deer. I was surprised that Ben could even stop a deer with a hunting knife but his aim was true, and the deer died quick and painless. I managed to dry out and use it's stomach cavity as a storage container and thought of how perfect it will be for my 'plan'. 

I looked over at Ben and noticed he was holding his lower back. 

"Stiff?" 

"A little, sometimes my back gives me trouble. The kinks will work their way out in a little bit." 

I picked up a blanket and folding it in half laid it down beside Ben. 

"Take your t-shirt off." 

Ben looked up at me startled "I..I don't quite follow" 

Slowly I repeated myself "take off your t-shirt" 

"That really isn't necessary" 

"No but's, I said lose it" 

"As I recall I didn't say the word 'but'" Ben's voice had a nervous edge to it and I could tell he was doing his best to change the subject. 

I folded my arms across my chest and in a no nonsense voice replied "NOW" 

Ben reluctantly slid it off over his head and I motioned for him to lie on his stomach. I never saw him this nervous around me before, not even when the plane first crashed and looked him over. After he was situated, I straddled his rump and got ready to enjoy myself. 

I gasped as I saw it on his back. " Ben, what happened?" I gently fingered the rim of what looked like an old bullet hole wound. Ben rolled over and I had to maneuver to keep from falling off. 

Ben was now lying on his back and I found myself straddling a very personal part of him. I could tell he was really embarrassed and his whole upper chest and face was flushed a bright crimson red. "I really don't need a back massage, thank you just the same for offering" 

"Ben, if you don't want me to ask you any questions I wont. Please let me do this for you though, ok?" I caressed his face and hoped he would agree. His face was expressionless as he contemplated my request and I was relieved when he rolled back over. 

I stared at his back and gently started massaging up by his shoulders. His muscles were so tight it was like trying to knead a rock. Slowly I worked my way down his back and when I reached the 'spot' I hesitated. I didn't want to cause him any pain. As if reading my thoughts he spoke. 

"You wont hurt me, it happened a long time ago" 

I continued to massage him until there wasn't a stiff muscle left in his back. 'My hands should be tired by now but I guess when it's a labor of love...'. Finally I stopped and laid down on top of his prone form, with my head resting between his shoulder blades. 

"Uummph" 

"Sorry, do you want me to move?" He was quite for a moment 

"No" 

"Good." 

I reveled in the feel of his bare skin beneath me and I could never in my life remember feeling so completely comfortable with anyone as I did with him. My thoughts were climbing to a highly dangerous level and I knew if I didn't get up soon, I would have to take advantage of him. Reluctantly I sat up and went to retrieve the rest of the blankets. When I turned back around Ben was finishing putting his t-shirt back on. 

"Thank you kindly" 

I smiled at him and got ready for bed. 

I woke up early the next morning *very* early to put my plan into action. quietly looking over at Ben to make sure he was still sound asleep I untangled myself from his arms and Picking up his boots and the deer stomach I tiptoed out of camp. 

Making my way to the river I placed his boots beside a rock and filled the stomach until it was brimming. I walked carefully back to camp so as not to spill any and after making sure he was still asleep and not pretending, I positioned myself out of arms reach and threw the icy water on him. 

"WHAT??!" Ben gasped sitting straight up. By this time I had moved to the edge of camp and was laughing my head off. 

"I told you I'd get you back Mountie!" 

Ben's eyes focused on me and I certainly didn't like the look there! As he started to get up I bolted as fast as I could for the river and hoped that without his boots he would be slowed down a little. When I reached the bank I picked up his boots and climbed out onto a tree trunk that was partially in the water. No sooner had I gotten into position, Ben came charging into view and I held one of his boots out over the fast moving current hoping he wouldn't call my bluff. 

"Stay where you are Ben or I swear I'll drop it!" 

Although he slowed down the look in his eye hadn't changed and I knew that eventually I was done for. He had a wicked smile on his face and I could tell he was plotting his next move. 

"We're even now Ben, fair and square. This is all your own doing and you know it! Back down and I may let your boots live." 

Ben eased himself closer to the log 

"I mean it Ben! I'll drop them!" 

Turning kinda in a half circle he was now at the other end of the log. My only escape route was blocked. 'Well, it seemed like a good plan at the time.' 

"Perhaps we could discuss this.." I was desperate and he knew it "after all we're both adults. Right?" 

Ben placed his foot on the log and started pushing it back and forth. Taking note of my situation, I was at least 20 feet off shore I didn't feel I was above begging. 

"Oh Ben I am so sorry, I promise I will *never* do anything like this again." I pleaded. The log was really starting to move now and I was moving to and fro trying to stay on top of it. Ben stopped and looked at me with those big blue innocent looking eyes. 

"Promise?" 

"Absolutely. Cross my heart and hope to die" 

"Toss the boots over here. A peace offering of sorts" 

I looked down at the boots in my hand and hesitated. 'He wouldn't, would he?' 

"Your not going to do anything?" 

He shook his head no. 

"Do I have your word as a Mountie?" 

He slowly nodded yes. 

I tossed first one boot and then the other, bracing myself. When no retaliation came I breathed a sigh of relief. After all, he is a Mountie and Mounties don't lie. I looked back over at Ben and he was out right smiling as he started to move the log again. 

"YOU PROMISED!" 

"I had my fingers crossed." 

My eyes grew wide as one final heave on his part knocked me into the water! 

'Man is this cold!' But I wasn't done for yet. I managed to take a deep breath before I fell and I held onto a weed at the bottom to keep myself from floating to the top. I looked up and waited, hoping it wouldn't take too long. 

Ben called out over the water "Analise?" 

He looked around scanning the area. Slowly he made his way out onto the log to get a closer view. 'This might be a trick.' As time slowly ticked by he became worried if she was playing she would have had to come up for air by now. 

"Analise!" Knots started to form in his stomach and he almost ran to the end. Looking around the water he couldn't see any movement at all. 'Perhaps she hit her head when she went in, oh God where is she?' 

I looked up from the bottom and when Ben reached his hand in for the third time to feel around I grabbed his arm and pulled him in. 

Gasping I broke the surface and catching my breath looked over at a now sputtering Ben. 

" I told you I'd get you! Since when does a Mountie lie?"I laughed. 

"I never actually *said* I wouldn't do anything" 

"Technicality and you know it!" I splashed Ben and moved towards shore. 

WOOSH! I felt a hugh wave of water come flying at my back and turning around proceeded to defend myself against the most raging onslaught of a water battle I'd ever been a part of. 

I didn't even last 5 minutes"Ok, Ok, I give!". 

WOOSH, WOOSH, WOOSH 

"Ben, I said I give!" I felt like I was trying to defend myself against an oozie with a water gun. How did he manage to get so much water moving all at once? 

"You said that before" 

"Do you *really* want to open that can of worms again?" 

He paused for a moment "understood." 

Ben moved to my side and we had both been laughing so hard we had to rest for a minute. Now that I wasn't busy defending myself, I began to realize how cold the water really was. 

"How did you manage to stay under water for so long?" Ben asked 

"Easy" I replied, "I have excess lung capacity. Comes in handy once in a while doesn't it?" 

Ben grinned at me. 

"What?" 

"Nothing". I started to shiver and Ben smiled putting his arm around me. "Let's get you out of this water before you catch your death of cold." 

We made our way back to camp and Ben placed a blanket around me then added more wood to the fire that died down last night. In less than 15 minutes we were sipping tea by a roaring fire. 

** 

By lunch time we had managed to pretty much dry out, the afternoon proved to be sweltering and I was thinking I wouldn't mind jumping in the lake again but I could tell Ben wanted to get moving. I picked up my pack and followed him. I couldn't get his words out of my head 'we may even find civilization earlier'. That is just so depressing. What's going to happen when we get back? Are we just going to go our separate ways? I mean, I know he will always be a good friend and I'm sure I'll see him from time to time (I'll make sure I go out of my way to make *that* happen) but somehow, I just don't think that will be enough. How can one go from being with the man of their dreams everyday 24/7 to not seeing him at all? 'Think girl, this has been an extreme situation. Maybe when we get back my feelings for him will change... Yeah, and I'm sure Ed Mcmann will be waiting for me at my house to give me 10 million dollars...' There was just no way around this. I knew that when we got back my world as I love it will cease to exist. Perhaps I can slow things down a bit...hmm... I sighed. As much as I want to be with him I know how much he wants to return. And I knew I loved him enough to do everything in my power to make it happen. I guess that's what real love must be I mused. Loving someone enough to let go no matter how much your heart is breaking. 'I may not beable to do anything about returning but I can certainly make the most out of the time we have now! 

I ran up to Ben and smiled when he looked over at me. For most of the seven weeks, we fell into the habit of me following him so we didn't get much of a chance to talk during the day. That was one thing I was going to change. 

"Can I ask you something?" 

"Always" 

I paused for a moment 'I hadn't thought *that* far' "what's your favorite color?" 

His eyebrows raised as he looked over at me. "I've been told I look good in teal" 

I wasn't even going to think of what he meant by that. "But what's your *favorite* color?" 

He thought for a moment "red" 

"Red" I repeated to myself. 

"Why do you ask?" 

"No reason, just wondering is all." 

"What about your favorite food?" 

"Pemmican" 

"Your kidding right?" By the sideways glance he gave me I could tell he was serious. "Ok" 

"What's your favorite thing to do in the whole entire world?" 

"Analise, is there a reason to asking me all these questions?" 

"Just feel like talking is all, now answer the question." I grinned at him. 

"I would have to say patrolling by dogsled the northwest territories." His eyes took on a wistful far away look and I could tell he was no longer walking beside me in the dense forrest. "It feels like you are the only living soul around for miles and you lose all feeling in your feet, and hands... It's so peaceful. Everything is covered in a white blanket of snow... It makes you feel like you never want to leave." He snapped out of his reverie "the city pales considerably in comparison." 

"It sounds wonderful" I said quietly and meant it. Maybe it was just the passion I saw in his eyes, or the heartfelt longing I heard in his voice, but I couldn't imagine another place I'd rather be at with him. 

Ben gave me a soft smile "perhaps one day you will be able to see it for yourself." 

"That would be nice" 

I picked that moment to almost trip over a shoelace that had become untied. As I bent down to tie it Ben stopped. 

"You don't need to wait, I'll be there in a minute" 

Ben continued up the small hill we were on and I saw him waiting at the top for me. As I got closer to Ben I noticed that he was froze. I something must be terribly wrong! I almost ran the rest of the way up the hill and looked at Ben. 

"What's wrong Ben? What happened?" 

He continued to stare at something and following his gaze my breath stopped and I slunk to the ground unable to stand. 

"No" I half whispered, half wailed. 

There, no more than twenty feet in front of us, was a small, dirt, well worn... Back road. My world had ended. 

We stared at the road for a long time not speaking. On some level I was aware that Ben had sat down beside me and was holding my hand. My vision was blurred as tears rolled from my eyes. I looked over at Ben who was also crying and for a minute I was hopeful as I thought he might be feeling the same way as myself. Ben looked back at me and smiled. 

"We made it Analise!" He then grabbed me in a big hug crushing me to him as he released all his pent up emotions. Relief, longing, fear. I sat there realizing he was crying tears of joy and knew what I had to do. 

I took a deep breath, pulled away and smiling at him, said the words that would take the last bit of happiness from me. "Let's go home." 

** 

We walked hand in hand down that dirt road for 4 hours when Ben suddenly stopped in his tracks. 

"What's wrong?" 

"Sshh--listen." I strained to hear. 

"I can't hear anything Ben!" He held up a hand to hush me, and then I heard it. The faint humming of an engine. I held my breath as the sound came closer to us. Ben and I looked around, the sound seemed to come from everywhere as it echoed off the trees. As it neared though, Ben turned around and from behind us I watched as an old pick-up truck lumbered around the corner. 

Ben waved his arms and the truck stopped about 2 feet from him. Not that the driver had much of a choice since Ben was standing in the middle of the road. 

I hung back as Ben spoke to the driver and I found myself staring at the only other face I had seen in the past two months. Ben was no doubt explaining in great detail how we ended up in the middle of no where looking bedraggled. After a few minutes he gestured and Ben walked over to me with a smile on his face. 

"We are about six miles outside of Stone. It's apparently a small community but the driver informs me they do have a pay phone available and he has been kind enough to offer us a ride after I explained our situation." Ben managed to say all that in one breath while ushering me towards the rear of the truck. We climbed in the back and Ben tapped on the rear window to let the driver know we were ready. By the time we reached Stone it was almost 8 o'clock and I was hungry and exhausted. Ben thanked the driver one more time for his generosity and we headed over to the pay phone. I sat my gear down and closed my eyes, willing the hugh headache I had to go away. The last thing I remembered hearing before I fell asleep was Ben's voice. 

"Hello operator? Yes, I'd like to place a collect call." 

*** 

27TH DISTRICT CHICAGO 

"Hello?" Frannie answered wearily "27th how can I help you?" She hated working late but the department just finished bringing down a major drug ring and everyone wad doing overtime. 

It was so good to hear a familiar voice again."Franchesca? It's Benton Fraser" Ben said with a hugh smile on his face. He then held the phone away from his ear as Frannie let loose a blood curdling scream 

All activity in the Bullpen stopped as Vecchio, Kowalski, Welsh, Huey and Dewey rushed to her side to see what was wrong. Frannie was holding the phone in mid air with a look of shock on her face. 

Ray leaned over his sister concerned, trying to figure out what was wrong. "Frannie? Frannie come on, snap out of it." He was holding her hand and really starting to get worried now. 

Finally she snapped to and fumbled to place the call on speaker. Wordlessly everyone watched her with disbelief as she leaned into the speaker. 

"Fraser?" Her voice was shaky, not quite ready to believe but wanting more than anything for it to be him. There was stunned silence in the room for about 10 seconds. That's when they heard it. 

"Yes Franchesca, I'm here." 

The entire squad room erupted into chaos as people hugged each other and spread the good news to those behind them. 

"EVERYONE KEEP IT DOWN!" Welsh boomed over the buzz and suprisingly everyone complied. Both Ray and Stan leaned close to the speaker. 

"Benny, is it really you?" 

"Yes Ray, it's good to hear your voice" 

Kowalski interrupted "Fraser where have you been?" 

"Well, it's kind of a long story and takes exactly two hours to tell. Suffice it to say, we have spent the last seven weeks and two days walking through dense forrest trying to reach civilization." 

"Where are you now Constable?" Welsh interrupted. 

"Ah, it's good to hear from you Leftenent. Currently we are in the little town of Stone located on the outskirts of Madison, WI. We arrived about 5 minutes ago after a kind gentleman saw us walking from the woods and offered us a ride. I would surmise we can reach Chicago by Wednesday next. That is taking into account stopping for rest approximately...." 

"FRASER!!!" The group collectively called out at the same time. Something's just never change. 

"Constable," Welsh continued "don't go anywhere, we'll send someone to pick you up." 

"Thank you sir, that would be appreciated." 

"Where in Stone can we find you?" Ray asked. 

"Well, there is only one pay phone and that's our current location. The town isn't very big." 

In the background Ben heard Welsh yell 'someone get me the Stone, WI police department on the line Pronto!' 

Jack's curiosity got the better of him and he had to ask "hey Fraser-- who's we?" 

"Hello Jack, Ahh, well that would be Ms. Jensen and myself. The pilot didn't survive the crash." 

Frannie who had recovered enough pushed her way to phone "so Benton, it's just been you and her out there in the woods for the past two months?" Was that a tinge of jealousy he heard in her voice? 

"Actually it's only been seven weeks and two days." 

"Benton!" 

"That would be correct." 

Ray pushed his sister out of the way "Are you ok Benny? I mean, your not hurt are you?" 

"We're fine Ray. Would someone do me a favor and alert Inspector Thatcher of my whereabouts?" 

Kowalski removed the toothpick from his mouth "I'll do that myself Fraser, I can't wait to see the look on the Ice Queen's face when I tell her." 

"Thank you kindly Stanley." Ben paused and then continued "it's good to hear all of your voices again. How's Diefenbaker?" 

"He's fine" Frannie answered "he's been staying with us." 

"Oh dear. I hope you didn't spoil him too much Franchesca." 

"Well... He *did* think you were dead." 

Ben sighed to himself. In the background he heard Lt. Welsh tell everyone to get back to work and knew it was time to hang up. 

"Hey Benny-- we gotta go. The Lt. said to tell you someone should be there to get you within a half hour. See ya soon partner" Ray's voice was heartfelt and Ben knew there was more Ray wasn't saying. 

"Understood" Ben replied and hung up. The simple act of hanging up the phone was one of the hardest things he had ever done. It was so good to hear their voices again and he couldn't wait to see them. He looked down at Analise propped against the phone booth and hung his head. He knew he loved her with all his heart but he didn't know how to tell her. He wasn't even sure if she felt the same way about him. There were times when she seemed to want to say something to him and times when her actions would indicate she considered him more than a friend but she would always pull away. 'How am I ever going to get used to not being with her?' He certainly didn't want to force her away by being to pushy, but he couldn't seem to think of what he could do. 

Ben thought back to the other night when she gave him the back massage. At first he was hesitant. He knew how bad the bullet scar looked and there wasn't a day that went by that he wasn't reminded of that time in his life. He was so embarrassed not just because of the way it looked but because of what it stood for. Ben wanted to tell her everything about Victoria and everything she put him through but he was afraid that if he brought her up she would misunderstand again. He remembered all too well what the last misunderstanding almost cost him. When Analise looked at him though and still wanted to continue, it was like a weight lifted off his shoulders. At first he was hesitant, not believing she would accept him without asking questions. Everyone else who ever saw it always pressed with their questions regardless of his own feelings. But she didn't. 

Ben knelt down by her and caressed her face taking note of her appearance. He knew he shouldn't have pushed them as hard as he did today but he was so anxious to get her to safety... 

"Analise" Ben gently called her name. 

"Analise...you need to get up." 

I yawned and slowly opened my eyes focusing on Ben. "Did you get through?" 

"Yes, someone will be here soon to pick us up. How are you feeling?" 

'Terrible' I thought to myself. "Tired, and hungry" 

Ben dug in his pack and handed me some dried wild strawberries. "Eat this, we will be back soon." 

We turned at the glare of headlights approaching and Ben stood. A cruiser car pulled up and a officer leaned out his window. 

"Are you Frasier?" 

"Fraser, yes officer" Ben corrected him. 

"Well you must have some pretty influential friends Boy. I'm supposed to give you and the lady here a first class escort the entire way to Chicago with lights and all." 

"Why thank you kindly, it's not too much trouble is it?" 

"Heck no! We haven't had this much excitement around here since old man whither's painted his body and ran buck naked down main street." The cop chuckled. 

I stood up as the officer unlocked the trunk and Ben took both our packs and loaded them. He then opened the back door for me and we both climbed in. The front seat was occupied by a very fat beagle 

No sooner were we on our way did Ben pull me next to him and wrap his arms around me. 

"Ben?" I said sleepily. 

"Sshhh...just close your eyes". 

*** 

27TH DISTRICT CHICAGO 

I was aware of someone nudging me and I opened my eyes. Looking out the window I noticed we were in front of the 27th and looked down at my watch. It was a little past 10:30 pm. Had I really slept the whole two hours? I looked over at Ben who had the silliest grin on his face. 

"We're home." 

Home, well he might be home but I felt like I just fell down a rabbit hole. It seemed so strange as I stepped out of the car to be in the middle of a big city after two months of nothing but trees. I noticed Ben had our bags in hand and was thanking the officer. As the car pulled away he looked up at me and I did my best impression of a person who had just won the lottery. I wasn't going to ruin his homecoming just because I was selfish, greedy and wanted him all to myself. I really didn't deserve him when I thought about It. I tried to take my pack but Ben managed to move it out of my reach. Knowing I should say something while we were still alone I hesitated but for the life of me I couldn't figure out what to tell him. It's been fun? Thanks for the nature lessons? If you ever need a camping buddy let me know? How do you tell someone you love them when you don't think they feel the same way about you? The last thing I want to do is scare Ben away and I was around him enough before our 'vacation' to know the easiest way to do that would be to throw myself at him. In a way, a very small way I kinda felt sorry for all those women he didn't even seem to notice. 

Ben held the door open for me and reluctantly I stepped inside. From there on Ben took the lead. 

"It's just up the stairs here. I wonder if anyone is still around at this late hour?" 

I looked around at the bare station. There wasn't a single soul in sight. 'That's odd' ."The officer did tell you we were to be dropped off here right?" 

"Yes" he said as his pace quickened. 

As we rounded the corner I heard what could only be described as a human buzz. Looking through the frosted windows of the 'bullpen' as Ben called it, I found the source. There were so many people in there I wondered if they were trying to see how many cops they could squeeze into a squad room. 

Ben paused just outside the door. 

"What's wrong?" 

He looked at me with an expression in his face I was unable to read. "Analise, I just wanted to tell you..., Well that is..." 

I reached up and hugged Ben as best as I could with the two packs he still held in our way. "I know Ben. Now, I believe there are some people waiting to see you." I smiled at him and one last, final time, caressed his face. 

Ben gave me a look of pure tenderness, faced the door and after taking a deep breath, walked through it. 

"HE'S HERE!" I heard someone yell and the next thing I knew I was being crushed by a mob of people all trying to reach Ben. After I reached relative safety near the wall, I looked back to see Ben engulfed in well wishers and a very hugh wolf. 

"Ray!" 

Ray beat his way through the crowd and gave Ben a huge bear hug. Both seemed to be unaware there were any other people in the room for a long moment. I almost cried when I saw how much they cared for each other. Finally Ray pulled back and cleared his throat. 

"You scared the death out of me you know that?" 

"Sorry Ray" Ben was *apologising* for the plane crash? "It's good to see you again." They looked at each other and fell into another hug. 

"Hey, stop hogging all his time" a man said as he greeted Ben . 

"Stanley!" Again another hug. 

This went on until about everyone in the room had a chance to greet Ben and tell him how much they missed him. From my vantage point I was able to see everyone and noticed a woman with short dark hair hanging back I remembered meeting her once, she was Ben's boss at the consulate. She seemed to be the only one not rushing up to give Ben an embrace. No one seemed to notice I was here and that was perfectly fine with me. With the way I was feeling I didn't want a lot of attention. Knowing also that it would have been a superficial greeting at best, I actually preferred if they saved it. These were Ben's friends, not mine. Everyone wanted him to tell them the whole story of how we got back here and if it weren't for Welsh, Ray, Stan, and Frannie, he would have probably stayed half the night relaying it to everyone one by one. I was brought out of my musing as the inspector made her way through the crowd. 

"Constable" I could tell she was feeling just as emotional as everyone else and I thought she was doing a very good job of hiding it. 

"Inspector" Ben straightened up. 

"At ease Constable, I trust you are well?" 

"Yes sir. If I may say... It's good to see you again." 

The inspector didn't seem to know what to say after Ben's last comment and after and awkward moment she reached up and gave him a brief hug. I couldn't help but think that I've seen dentists give their patients more of a welcome right before they give them a root canal. 'That is so sad. Perhaps that's the reason things didn't work out between her and Ben'. She didn't know how to express herself. Either that or she chose not to. 

"Analise" I looked around to see who had called my name and spotted the Lt. He motioned for me to come into his office and as I neared I heard him tell Stan to get rid of the crowd. 

"Hey duck boys" Jack and Tom looked over at Stan. "Crowd control, pitter, patter let's get at 'er." 

As they mingled there way through the crowd trying their best to disburse it, Ben was also called into Welsh's office followed close behind by Ray, the Inspector and a super glued Frannie who hadn't left his side since she managed to grab hold about a half hour ago. It was kinda comical to watch Ben try and move with her attached like and extra arm. 

The Lt. looked over at me and motioned for me to sit on the couch. Ben and the Inspector were sitting in chairs in front of his desk, Ray was sitting to my left and Frannie was sitting on a small table dangling her legs back and forth, and I couldn't help but notice how she 'strategically' swung them in Ben's line of sight even though that meant she had to stretch a little. 

"Ms. Jensen, welcome back." I looked in slight shock at the Lt. 

"Thank you sir" 

"All right," Ray said to everyone "enough chitchat. Tell us what happened after the plane went down Fraser" 

Ben proceeded to tell them everything from day one, well, almost everything. I noticed how he stuck to the superficial facts and he never did mention how he was thrown from the plane or the episode on the way down from the mountain. I decided to let him tell the story and only spoke when he looked at me for confirmation. I was surprised when I saw that two hours had passed. I saw how Stan, Jack and Tom had eased into the room about a half hour into the telling and was also aware when Jack and Tom eased back out after only 20 minutes of listening. 'I guess not everyone wanted as much detail'. 

"Man Benny, that was some wild ride." Ray said. Then he looked over at me. "I bet your tired of hearing all those Inuit stories, huh?" 

I looked at him puzzled "Inuit stories?" 

"What, you mean to tell me you were in the woods alone with Fraser here for two whole months and he didn't tell *any* Inuit stories?" Stan interjected. 

I shook my head no and noticed Ben started to turn bright red. Everyone else in the room was speechless. 

"What Inuit stories?" I asked. 

"Never mind" Ray said "just count your blessings and leave it at that." 

Ben cleared his throat "I am a little parched" he looked over at me "can I get you anything while I'm out Ms. Jensen?" 

'What was that? Did I actually *hear* him right? Since when does he call me Ms. Jensen? I was staring at him in shock and confusion and then it hit me. I don't know how I could have been so blind not to see it before. Now that we were back and didn't have to depend on each other for survival, he was trying to reestablish the professional distance we had before the plane crash. That's what he must have been trying to tell me out in the hallway. He didn't care for me as nothing more than he did for all those other women he felt sorry for. Just an acquaintance. I became aware that everyone was staring at me and managed to reply as I tried my best to impersonate the inspector. Maybe I was too quick to judge the way she kept herself in check. 

"Pepsi, please...Constable." I managed to say and watched as Ben left the room with his wolf and Stan close behind. At first I was too shocked to realize that everyone was staring at me but it was definitely becoming more and more uncomfortable. 

"So Analise," Ray spoke "why do I get the feeling that Benny isn't telling us the whole story?" 

"What do you mean?" 

"Well, I've noticed the way that you've been looking at him since you got here and I was just wondering..." 

He was interrupted by the Inspector. "What Detective Vecchio is trying to say is... You and Fraser were out there alone for a long time and sometimes things happen...." 

I didn't like the turn this conversation had taken "Just what are you trying to say?" 

I could tell I was becoming defensive and there was a definite edge to my voice. 

Frannie blurted it out rather crudely "did you sleep with Fraser?" 

I just could *not* believe the day I was having. What did these people think I was, some kind of slut!? I stood up and pulled my hands through my hair. 

"I can't believe you guys are even *going* there!" I looked over at the Lt. and saw he was just as intent in receiving an answer as the rest of them. 

"That is none of your business!" I half yelled looking around at all the faces. 

Thatcher got up in my face "if I find out you hurt my Constable in anyway..." 

I leaned closer to her face my ire was definitely up "Tell me something inspector, does that PMS come natural or do you have to work at it?" 

She stared at me with her mouth open and I heard three stifled laughs around me. I glared at all of them one by one. "Just what is with you people? I have been out in the woods for the past two months, I'm tired, hungry and the only thing you can think of is to ask me if I *slept* with Ben? Get a life!" 

Frannie mumbled under her breath but still making sure it was loud enough for me to hear "looks like you could also use a bath and a change of clothes". When she said clothes her nose wrinkled up into a sneer and I snapped. 

"Well, it sure beats whatever shopping channel convinced *you* that was a good look!" I retorted as I waved a hand at the tight pink mini skirt she was wearing with a purple half top and 4 inch stiletto heels. 

Everyone in the room was speechless and I knew I had gone too far. I sat back down and sighed. 'They are just being good friends to Ben' I told myself. Besides, why am I getting so upset? Is it because he didn't want to sleep with me? I looked up at everyone. 

"Look, I'm sorry it's just been a really long day and I'm tired. Ben didn't tell you the whole story. When the plane crashed he was thrown from the plane's cockpit window and I did what I could for him but I really think he needs to be checked out at a hospital. He wont tell anyone if he's still hurting- you know Ben... And as for the other question" I said as I stood and reached for the door knob "He ended up being a perfect gentleman the entire time." 

Ray glared at me and I guess he was still upset that I went off on his sister "That I don't doubt" his voice was hard "what I want to know is what you ended up being." There was no mistake as to what he was implying. 

I rested my head against the door frame and tried -unsuccessfully- to keep my tears from spilling out. 

"Heartbroken" I said in a shaky whisper as I opened the door and walked out. 

The four people in the room just stared at each other for a minute. Ray was the first to speak. 

"Aw man, I didn't know she felt that way about him." 

"Well, it is perfectly natural Detective" Thatcher replied "after all she did just spend the last two months out in the wilderness with Fraser and you know what kind of an influence he has on women." 

Frannie was looking down and didn't speak at all. 

The Lt. Finally decided to add his two cents "well, we now know how she feels about Fraser, what we need to find out is how the Constable feels about her." 

"That's absurd!" 

"Fraser?!" 

Both Ray and Thatcher replied at the same time. Then they were silent as they thought of the implications. 

"How do we find out?" Frannie finally asked. 

The Lt. walked around his desk and looked through the slats of the window as Fraser, and Stan were coming back with drinks. Everyone joined him at the window as they saw Ben approach Analise and speak to her a few minutes. She looked over at them once, while she and Ben were talking and they weren't prepared when she took her drink and walked away, for Ben to look over at them. They quickly scrambled away from the window and tried to act natural. 

When Ben walked through the door he had a serious look on his face. 

"What happened with Analise, why was she crying?" His voice held a definite possessive and concerned quality. 

"What did she say happened?" 

"She said she was just relieved to be back Ray. However I believe there's more to it than that." 

Everyone looked at each other and then down, not speaking. None of them could bring themselves to make eye contact with Ben. 

"Did she say anything else?" The inspector asked. 

"No, I want to know what happened." 

Frannie was beet red and finally the Lt. who was the only one that did not to drill her, was able to look at Ben. 

"Constable, Ms. Jensen told us that you were thrown from the airplane when it went down. Why did you leave that part out?" 

"Well sir, I...uh.." 

The inspector picked up on the new conversation quickly "you are going to the hospital Constable. I want you to be examined." 

"That really isn't necessary sir." 

"That's an order Constable!" 

"Yes sir. What about Analise?" 

"None of us have any authority to make her go to the hospital Fraser" Welsh answered "we can suggest it but the choice is hers." 

"Understood" the concern he felt for her was evident to everyone in the room and they gave each other meaningful glances when Fraser wasn't looking. Stan was just staring at everyone confused. 

Ray thought of how much of a mistake they made and wanted to set things right. After Victoria he just didn't want to see Benny hurt again. "Do you know where she went?" He asked Fraser. 

"She said she had to use the ladies room." 

"I'll go." Both Frannie and the inspector said at the same time. They looked at each other and then over at Fraser. 

"I'm sure we can convince her to get examined." 

Ben's relief was visible "thank you inspector." After all, if anyone can be persuasive, it was Meg. 

*** 

I leaned over the sink and splashed water on my face trying to wash away the past 24 hours. Looking up into the mirror, I was surprised to see my reflection. I hadn't seen what I looked like in almost two months and barely recognized the face staring back at me. My hair could really use a trim and there were dark circles under my eyes. I looked at my watch 1:15 am. No wonder... I did like the fact that I seemed to be a shade darker. And looking at the rest of my body, there was definitely no extra pounds anymore. Not that there were a lot, but all the exercise I had over the past two months did pay off nicely. I was really toned. 

I sat down against the wall of the bathroom and thought to the conversation I had with Ben just now. When he approached me in the squad room I tried my best to hide my tears but he didn't miss a thing. When he said 'Analise, what's wrong?' I wanted to cry all over again. 'Analise?' I questioned him. 'What happened to Ms. Jensen?' Ben started to fidget and I could tell he was uncomfortable with his friend there. So that was just great, he was embarrassed by me. I shook my head and looked over to the Lt.'s office. There were four faces pressed against the window and I knew I wasn't going to be the one to start anything between them. After all, they were his friends, not me. So I came up with some lame excuse of being so happy to be back or something and said I needed to go to the bathroom. Before he could ask anymore questions I walked away. 

I pulled my knees up to my chest and rested my head. 'The only thing I want to do is go home... I just want to go home' I said to myself. 

I heard the bathroom door open and in walked Frannie and Thatcher. 'I guess I can't be lucky enough and they just need to pee...' I thought to myself. When they approached me I braced for another confrontation. 

"Analise" the inspector started as she knelt down infront of me . "We were out of line in there and wanted to apologize. We were so concerned about Fraser that we totally overlooked the way you were feeling." 

I gave her a small smile "it's o.k., I would have done the same thing had the situation been reversed. You were just being a good friend to him." I paused then added "he's very lucky to have so many people care about him." 

Frannie interjected "yeah well, as long as you don't hurt Fraser I wont have to kill you." 

I looked up at Frannie "I would never hurt Ben. If anyone doesn't deserve to be hurt it's him. Why are you being nice?" I thought to add. After all, I could tell she liked Ben herself. 

She looked down and started to fidget "well, we've known each other for a long time now and I know he doesn't like me in that way. A girl can still dream though can't she? And besides, Ma has pratically adopted him so he's like a brother." 

I smiled at her last statement. 'I certainly never remembered seeing anyone hang onto their 'brother' like she was earlier.' But I thought better than to mention it. 

"At least I can join the club, Ben doesn't like me like that either." 

Meg raised her eyebrows "what makes you think that?" 

"I just spent two months in the woods with him and he's calling me 'Ms.'. Now I'm no brain surgeon but if it looks like a duck and it quacks like a duck... Then it's a duck." 

"Well did you ever tell him how you feel?" 

My eyes grew wide "No way! I've seen the way he acts around women who try and get close to him. There is no way I'm going to do anything to push him away." 

Meg and Frannie gave each other a knowing look and shook their heads. Frannie went into one of the stalls and bringing out some toilet tissue handed it to me. 

"Here" 

"Thank you" I stared at it for a minute before wiping my eyes and laughed. 

"What's so funny" Frannie asked. 

"Well, out of all the modern convienances I've done without for the past two months, I think I've missed TP the most." 

We all laughed and I was glad we were able to work things out. I really wanted Ben's friends to like me. I stood up and stretched. 

"This has definitely been a long day. I can't wait to get home." 

"Well... That may be a problem." Meg said and looked over at Frannie. 

"Why?" 

"We told Fraser that you would go to the hospital with him and get checked out." Frannie hesitantly replied. 

"You what?" 

"You see" Meg added "Fraser has refused to go get examined unless you also agree to go. He can be very stubborn like that. And you did say yourself that it would be in his best interests to go..." 

This day just kept getting better and better. I ran my hands through my hair again and leaned against the wall. 

"Is that blood?" Frannie asked looking down at my used to be white tank top. 

I followed her gaze "oh that, that's nothing. It happened about a month ago. Listen, I really hate hospitals. I had a bad experience in one once and there is nothing more depressing than being there all alone. Can't you just order him to go?" I said looking at Meg. 

Meg blushed a little. She didn't want to admit that she had lied. "I could, but he probably wouldn't cooperate with the doctors and this would be a whole lot easier..." 

I sighed knowing I was beat. I would do anything for Ben and she knew it. "All right." 

They both smiled at each other and we headed out. 

** 

Ben sat in the chair after Frannie and Meg left the room. Everyone was especially quiet and Stan decided to break the ice. 

"So, wha'did I miss?" 

"Nothing" Ray replied. "Hey Benny," he placed his hand on his friends shoulder "you really like her don't you?" 

Ben looked up into the amused look his friend was giving him, then over at the Lt. and Stan. 

"Like who Ray?" 

"You know who" 

"No, I'm quite sure I don't Ray" 

Ray sighed "Analise, you like Analise don't you?" 

"I have no idea what your talking about Ray" 

"Oh come on Benny! I've seen the way you've been looking at her." He gave Ben a small jab on the shoulder "you sly dog you." 

Kowalski interjected "Hey Fraser, you didn't take the *long* way home did ya?" 

Ben looked at his friend turning bright red. He sounded just like his father. Ray picked up on the implication and smiling added. "As I seem to recall, it didn't take us that long to get back after our plane went down..." 

"I can assure you Ray, we did our best to get back as soon as possible. I may have had to use alternate routes that were a fraction longer for safety's sake but all in all we took a direct course." 

Stan looked over at Ray and the Lt. with a wicked smile on his face. 

"That's good Fraser,... So then, you wouldn't mind if I say.... Asked her out sometime would ya? I mean you don't like her like that and she *is* an attractive woman." 

Ben pratically jumped out of his chair, the look in his eyes told his true feeling for her but before he could reply the door opened and all three ladies walked back in. He tried to compose himself as much as possible. 

Everyone turned to see us come in and the conversation stopped. I looked over at Ben who looked like he was very uncomfortable. 'Perhaps they gave him the third degree too.' 

"Oh! My soda. I'll be right back" I said as I went to get the first taste of civilization I had in two months. 

"She has agreed to go to the hospital" Meg announced to everyone. 

"Sir, it really isn't necessary for me to go" 

"I did notice dried blood on her shirt constable. Was she injured?" 

"A few times, yes." 

:"well, she refuses to go to the hospital without you Fraser so I'd suggest you do it for her." 

"Yes sir." 

I walked back into the room and everyone stared at me. 

"What?" 

"Nothing," they replied in unison. 'Well *that* was strange.' 

Stan came up to me. "I don't believe we've been officially introduced" he held out his hand "I'm Stanley Kowalski" 

Before I could take the proffered hand Ben stepped between us. "Ah, I believe we should get going" he said as he placed his hand in the small of my back and ushered me out of the room. 

Meg leaned over to Ray "what was that all about?" 

"I'll tell you later." 

** 

I sat on the edge of the table in the exam room nervously waiting for the doctor to return. Ben was in the room across the hall and both of us had been poked, prodded, x-rayed and had so much blood taken from us I thought the hospital staff were vampires and they did this on their night off. Looking across into the other room I would occasionally see Meg or Stan pace back and fourth. Just what was taking so long for those tests anyway? Finally I saw the doctor enter Ben's room and tried to keep my curiosity in check. I was so caught up in my own thoughts that I didn't see my own doctor arrive. 

"Ms. Jensen?" 

"Oh, hi." I said shifting around on the table. "So what's the verdict?" 

The doctor flipped through a few papers. "As far as I can tell you have sustained no permanent damage from your ordeal. I would like to keep you overnight just in case." 

"I don't think so Doc. I'd really rather just go home." 

"That wouldn't be wise, Ms. Jensen. We are still waiting on the results of one or two tests and most likely you will be able to go home tomorrow." 

"Try and stop me." 

I gathered my clothes and went into the bathroom to change leaving the doctor standing in the middle of the room. 

* 

Inspector Thatcher paced nervously across the room for the 30th time. "What can possibly be taking them so long?" 

The doctor knocked on the door and entered. 

"It's about time! A person could die waiting in this place!" 

The doctor looked over at Thatcher and cleared his throat. "And you would be?" 

Meg turned her well known look on the doctor and opened her mouth but before she could reply Ben interjected. 

"She is my commanding officer Doctor. I take it the test results are back?" 

He eyed the inspector one more time and deciding to ignore her continued. "Yes Constable. You appear to be in good health, no major damage. Get a lot of rest and you should be back to par in a day or two." 

Ray sighed "that is good news." 

"May I go home now?" 

"Well, I would like you to stay overnight just to keep and eye on you. I'll most likely be able to send you home by tomorrow evening, considering the late hour it is now." 

"That really wont be necessary" 

Just then a knock came on the door and another doctor walked in. "I'm having a problem with my patient in room three." 

"What's the trouble?" 

"Well, she's refusing to stay and the last I saw she headed into the bathroom to change into her street clothes." 

Ben's eyes grew wide as what the doctor said sunk in and before anyone could say anything, he had jumped off the table and was out the door. 

* 

"Analise!" 

I jumped as I was coming out of the bathroom. "Ben!, you scared me. Hey nice legs" I said as I looked at him wearing the hospital gown. 

"Where do you think your going?" 

"Home. I believe I have been trying to get there for the past two months." 

I looked past Ben as I noticed Ray, Stan, and Meg enter the room. Frannie had gone home when we left for the hospital and the Lt. also called it a night. 

"The doctor wants you to stay overnight just to keep an eye on you." 

"Yeah, I believe I heard him say something like that." 

"Perhaps it would be for the best if you did." 

"And what did he tell you Ben ?" 

Stan answered for him "he needs to stay too." 

I looked back at Ben. "And are you?" 

"Well, uh, that's not important, what is important is..."  
"WHOOPS" I said holding up a hand "wrong answer." And I picked up my pack. "Anyone want to give me a ride? No? That's fine. I walked this far what's another 10 blocks." I said as I started for the door. 

"Analise it's 3:30 in the morning!" Ray interjected. 

"And your point is...?" I didn't get a reply and left the room. 

"I'm going after her" Ben said as he started for the door "it's too dangerous for her to be out there alone at this hour." 

"Hold up there Fraser, have you looked at what your wearing?" Stan replied. 

"He's right, Benny" 

"I'll go" Meg said 

"I'll go with you" she looked over at Stan and together they left the room. 

Ray looked over at his friend and noted the worry on his face. "I wouldn't worry too much about her Benny, anyone who can go toe to toe with the Dragon Lady and win has nothing to worry about." 

Ben raised his eyebrows. 

"Anyway, lets go get you dressed." Ray added to try and change the subject. 

** 

I walked outside and glanced around before heading down the street. It felt so good to be outside. I was starting to get a little claustrophobic in there. The night air was chilly with only my tank top on and I wrapped my arms around myself. There is no way I was ever going to spend the night in one of those places, Ben or no Ben. 

"Analise!" I recognized the voice as Stan's and slowed down. 

"Hey Analise, wait up" I turned to see him and Meg walking towards me. 

"Look, don't try and change my mind o.k.? I can't stay in there." 

"At least come back and wait for Ben" Meg said. 

"Why? He's in good hands." 

"He's worried about you" 

"Yeah, you shoulda seen the way he tried to tear out of the room with only a gown on" Stan laughed at the mental image he had. "You know he really cares about you." 

What could I say to that? I didn't know what Ben was feeling for me and the way he acted when we got back didn't help me understand him any better. 

"Look, it is along way back to your place. At least let us give you a ride, ok?" 

"No tricks?" 

They both shook their heads no and I reluctantly followed them back inside. 

Ben was fully dressed by the time we reentered the room. I stayed by the door and looked down. Ben was looking at me and I felt self conctious. Just what did he expect from me. 

Ben cleared his throat "well, I'm ready to go home." 

Meg's eyes grew wide "uh, Fraser, there's something you need to know. When you were missing Ottawa sent a replacement to fill in-- Temporary I assure you. But for now your office is being occupied." 

"Oh dear" 

"Don't worry Benny, your coming home with me. Ever since Ma found out she's been up all night cooking and she would kill me if I came home without you." 

"Analise, is something wrong?" Stan asked noting the expression on my face. 

"I was just wondering if I had a place to go back to." 

Ray and Stan gave each other a strange look and I guess with the silent communication Ray was the one elected to speak to me. 

"Well, we sorta got good news for you there." He swallowed hard "we were unable to locate your landlord-out of the country or something- and when we looked up your information we noticed that all your bills and rent automatically came out of your bank account and you had plenty of money so..." 

"So what your saying is that no one even knew I was missing." 

"Er... Yeah I guess." 

Stanley interjected "we did inform your work though and they said you had no one listed as a contact on the emergency form so..." 

"So my work thinks I'm dead and no one else knows." 

"Well, look on the bright side, at least everything is just how you left it." 

'Oh joy'. I gave them a small smile. It must not have been easy for them to have to tell someone that even though they've been missing for two months and presumed dead, no one even cared. 

"Well" Meg spoke up "are we ready?" 

When we reached my apartment Ben walked me up while everyone else stayed in the car. I dug my keys out of my pack and unlocked the door. It was odd to walk in and see everything just the way I left it. I wasn't quite sure what I was expecting but for some odd reason it wasn't this. It would have been nice if at least one person had missed me during the last two months. I walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge. 

"Whew!" I definitely need to clean this out. After all two months doesn't bode well for perishables. 

"If you prefer, I can have Ray swing by the all night market and pick you up something to tide you over?" 

I had almost forgot Ben was there "what? Oh, that's ok. I'll just get something tomorrow." 

"Are you sure it really is no trouble a-tall." 

"Yes Ben, I'll be fine." I walked over to Ben who was still standing by the door. 

"Well, I guess this is good bye." I said trying to not break down. 

"It doesn't have to be." 'Did I just *hear* that? "What I mean is... We'll still keep in touch." 

My heart sank "of course. You'd better or I'll hunt you down. I can do that now that you taught me how to track." 

That got a smile from Ben. "Understood". 

As he walked out the door he paused looking at my two locks. "Make sure you lock up good." 

"I will" I couldn't help myself and quickly reached up and hugged Ben. "I'm gonna miss you." 

Again for what seemed like the hundredth time today I started to cry. Ben tilted my chin up and gently wiped a tear off my cheek. 

Was I seeing right? Were his eyes also moist or was that just my imagination? 

"Lock up." He said and walked down the hall. 

I slowly shut the door, locked both locks and numbly walked into the bathroom for the longest bubble bath the world had ever seen. The only problem was finding the faucet with as hard as I was crying. 

** 

Ben stretched his arms over his head and opened his eyes. It took him a minute to realize he was in Ray's bedroom. Looking over at the clock he was surprised to see he had slept until 3 o'clock in the afternoon! 

Ben thought back to last night. Saying good bye to Analise was the hardest thing he had to di in a very long time. When he lifted her chin and saw her crying he almost lost it right then and there, and knew that if he didn't walk away, he would never be able to. As much as he loved her, fear kept him from telling her. Fear of opening up his heart again, fear of her not accepting him after she finds out everything from his past, but the biggest fear he had was pouring out his heart to her and she not feeling the same way about him. He rubbed his hands across his face and decided to get up. Lying there dwelling on the subject did nothing to help the emptiness he felt inside. Last night, well early this morning he corrected himself, he thought he would never fall asleep without her snuggled against him. 

Ben swung his legs over the side of the bed and noticed the two trunks in the corner of the room. Ray had told him since his office was taken he and Stan had moved all his personal belongings to Ray's basement for safekeeping until he returned. Ben smiled digging out some clothes and decided to take another shower. 

** 

Ma Vecchio was bustling around the kitchen when Ben came down the stairs. 

"Ah Benton! I'm so glad to see you up! Did you sleep well?" She said as she hurried to him and gave him a huge hug and a kiss on the cheek. 

"You had us so worried!" 

"It's good to be home Mrs. Vecchio." Ben gave her a genuine smile. 

"Come, you need some good food in your belly and call me Ma." She said pushing him towards the kitchen. 

After a very large and satisfying breakfast Ben and 'Ma' sat at the table enjoying a cup of tea. 

"Where is everyone?" Ben scanned the empty house. 

"I told them my Benton needed his rest and they needed to go out for the day." 

"That wasn't neces..." Ben stopped when he saw the look on Ma's face. "Thank you kindly...Ma." She smiled again and leaned closer placing her hand on top of his. 

"You know, Ramundo never stopped looking for you. He called every police department and hospital between here and Ottawa everyday. On the weekends he and Stanley would take a private helicopter and search. We never once believed you were dead." 

Ben's eyes welled with tears when he thought of all the efforts his friends went through to find him. He was really lucky when he thought about it. Then his mind wandered back to Analise the night before at the hospital when she found out that no one had even known she was missing. She tried not to let it show that it bothered her but he could tell. Coming back had to have been especially hard on her. She hadn't been back since her friends died and now she had to go through all the grief on top of everything else. 

"Benton? What's bothering you?" 

He shook himself out of his thoughts. "It's nothing" 

"I've been around a long time and that is not a nothing look. Your heart is hurting isn't it caro?" 

Ben gave a slight nod and looked down at his cup. "I love her" he said softly. 

"Who do you love?" 

"Analise". Ben felt a release at being able to say the words outloud, to tell someone. 

"Is she the woman you were in the woods with?" Ray had told her some of the story before he left for work but he didn't mention the woman's name. 

Ben nodded again in answer. Somehow he managed to find his voice and continued. 

"I'm not sure when it was I fell in love with her. I do remember waking up one morning, looked over at her sleeping beside me, she looked so beautiful" his voice cracked as all the feelings came rushing back to him "and I realized I would rather die, than see another sunrise without being able to share it with her." 

Ma Vecchio has tears in her eyes as she pulled him into her embrace. "Did you tell her how you feel?" 

"I--I couldn't. I was afraid she wouldn't feel the same way." 

She pulled back and looked down at him "then you don't know how she feels do you?" 

He shook his head no. 

"Benton, caro, you owe it to both of you to tell her how you feel." She said gently. 

Ben took a deep breath "I know" 

"I want to meet this Analise. It's not many women who can capture the heart of my Benton. I want you to invite her to dinner tonight." 

Ben stared in shock and started to protest. 

"If you don't invite her I will have Ramundo go over and ask. Choice is yours." 

*** 

I spent half the afternoon just walking around Chicago trying to get used to the city again. It just didn't' seem right to be missing for two months and have no one miss you. 'I have really gotta expand my circle of friends'. Not really paying attention, I found myself in front of the Canadian Consulate. I was half tempted to go inside to see if Ben was there but what would I say? Besides, I'm sure he's still at his friends house being doted over. I sighed and continued walking. Everything that seemed important before the plane crash just didn't seem to matter anymore. About a block from my apartment I went into the market to stock up on groceries. 

* 

I entered my apartment building and balanced the bags I was carrying while trying to push the elevator button. 

"Here let me help you with those." I turned in shock at the familiar voice. 

"Ben! What are you doing here?" Not that I wasn't happy to see him. 

"Ah well I have an invitation for you." He said taking two of the bags from me. 

I swallowed hard and tried not to read anything into his statement, but the ride to the apartment was in strained silence and I was relieved when the doors opened. We walked down the hall and I unlocked the door. This time Ben came the whole way into the apartment and followed me into the kitchen. 

"So, what kind of an invite?" I finally managed to ask when it seemed apparent he wasn't going to elaborate any further. 

"Ah, well it seems Mrs. Vecchio, Ray's mother, has invited you to dinner tonight. Apparently after hearing what we went through the past two months she decided we both need a good home cooked meal and was quite insistent." He said as he started to unload the bags he'd carried. 

"Oh," 'so just what was I expecting? Him to drop to one knee and propose? "That's very sweet of her but as you can see, I'm well stocked." I said holding up the vegetables in my hands. 

"Yes well, she really is expecting you to come. She has a way of persuading people, and if I can't get you to agree she is going to send Ray and if HE can't, I'm afraid she will come herself." 

I stared wide eyed at Ben. 'He can't possibly be serious can he?' I looked at his face. 'Dead serious.' A woman I never even met or who has met me is going to come to my apartment and convince me to go to her house for dinner? Thing like that just didn't happen in Chicago. 

"Why would she be so insistent?" 

"When you meet the family you'll know. She is a very strong willed woman." 

"I don't know Ben. I don't even know her!" 

"You know me. And Ray will also be there along with Franchesca." I cringed when he mentioned their names. The last thing I wanted to remember was the spanish inquisition I went through last night. 

"Is something wrong?" Ben asked noting my expression. 

"No, look Ben, I don't think it would be a good idea for me to go over tonight. I'm just getting settled back in and I'd like to have some time to myself."  
Ben's heart sank. She didn't want to be with him. It was one thing when they were in the woods together but now that they were back and she didn't need to depend on him for survival things were different. 

"Understood. I'll let her know." He said as he walked to the door. 

"Perhaps we could do it another time ok?" 

Ben gave me a small smile. "Perhaps." He looked over at the locks again and started to speak but I beat him to it. 

"I know, lock both locks." 

He smiled again and left. 

** 

I sat out on my balcony looking over the city. Dusk was settling in and it almost reminded me of the sunsets I saw not too long ago. It's funny when I thought about it. Every night the sun had set in the city but I never took the time to notice until being with Ben. I thought of the way he used to sit for hours not moving for just the one perfect moment right before the sun disappeared from sight. How anyone in their right mind could go that long and not *do* anything was beyond me. I smiled to myself, now here I am doing the exact same thing. I figured there were about 10 minutes left until the sun disappeared and I sat back on my lounger. The knock on the door was the last sound that I wanted to hear right now. 

I made my way through the living room hoping that who ever it was wouldn't take too long. I didn't want to miss the sunset. As I neared I heard voices talking and stood in shock when I opened it. There stood Det. Vecchio and I am assuming, his mother. 

"Analise, this is my mother. She insisted on meeting you." I looked over at Ray in disbelief. He just stood there with a look on his face like there was nothing he could do to stop her from coming over. 

Not wanting to seem impolite, I held out my hand. "It's nice to meet you Mrs. Vecchio." 

"You are such a lovely young lady" she then nudged Ray "why didn't you tell me she was so pretty?" 

I'm not sure which one of us turned a more vivid shade of red but the competition was close. I stammered to change the subject "wont you come in?" 

They came into the apartment and I gestured to the couch. Ray was looking around the apartment and if I didn't know he was a cop, I would have thought he was casing the place. 

"I don't mean to be rude, but why are you here?" I said looking at Ray and then back to his mother. 

"I wanted to invite you for dinner. My Benton said that you refused to come." 

"It was a very thoughtful offer Mrs. Vecchio but really, I'm fine. I just wanted to get settled back in" 

She looked at me like she didn't believe a word I just said but continued, I thought, on a different subject. 

"So, you live here all by yourself?" I nodded yes and she continued. "My Ramundo here tells me you don't have any family, si?" 

"No, just me, myself and I" I said with a smile. This was not an area I wanted to be discussing with a complete stranger. 

"Ey! You shouldn't be alone after everything you went through! You should have someone to take care of you!"  
"I'm fine really, It's been a long time since, well I've been on my own a long time and I'm not sure I would feel comfortable with people doting over me." I tried to sound convincing when I said this and I thought I did a very good job but she just wasn't buying it. I looked over at Ray for some support, after all, I'm sure he doesn't want his mother just going to strangers houses and inviting them into theirs. 

He had picked that moment to busy himself looking at my coaster set on the table. 

"I want you to come to dinner tonight." Her voice held an air of authority and I recalled earlier when Ben said she was a strong woman. I really didn't think there were too many people who went against her wishes. 

"Ray" I looked over at him, deciding that I would have a better chance with him. After all, we didn't really hit it off last night "I..." 

He interrupted me "you might as well save yourself some time and agree to go" he said with a slight humor in his voice "eventually you will end up going anyway and you really don't wanna see Ma get angry." 

I looked back over at the older woman and she had a stubborn smile on her face. I really didn't know what I could do to get these two people out of my apartment without being rude. Ray went over to the credenza and picked up my purse holding it out to me suggestively. 'I'm doomed' sighing I finally acquiescented and looked over at Mrs. Vecchio. 

"Let me get changed and I'll go" 

"Good! You can use a good home cooked meal." 

I smiled at her and walked into the bedroom. 

Ray looked over at his mother. "Ma, why did you insist she come? You made her uncomfortable." 

The tone in his voice was half whiny. 

"Ramundo, she needs to be with Benton and he needs her." 

"What!" He looked in the direction of the bedroom and lowered his voice. "Ma, what are you planning? Your not gonna play matchmaker are you?" 

"Ramundo! Benton loves her!" 

Ray shook his head thinking his mother was way off. Sure he acted like he had *some* feelings for her but they did just spend two months in the woods and Benny was still in his over protective mode. Ray has seen it plenty of times in his friend when someone needed his help. 

"I said *she* loved him ma, I didn't say he loved her." 

"But Benton did."  
"WHAT?!" 

"Sshhh!, she'll hear you." 

Whispering Ray continued "when did he say he loved her?"  
"Earlier when you were at work." She looked at her son hard "don't you tell him I told you. If he wants you to know then he will tell you himself." The tone in her voice let Ray know she meant business. 

"Then why did you tell me?" 

"Because" she said with a sly smile on her face "you are going to help get them together!" 

I walked out of the bedroom dressed in a sleeveless peach summer dress with small white daisy's that hung to just about knee level and my hair was in a french braid hanging down my back. I must admit the color set my newly acquired tan off perfectly and I even put on a small touch (very small) of make up. I normally didn't wear the stuff except when I had a business meeting at work. 

"I'm ready" I announced. I looked over at both of them staring at me and for some odd reason the phrase 'come into my parlor said the spider to the fly' popped into my head. 

"What?" I said looking over at Ray. He was standing there with a zombie look on his face and his mother had to nudge him to get him to answer. 

"Oh, uh..nothing. It's just, you look,...well..." 

I smiled at him "if that's supposed to be a complement, then thank you" 

He just nodded his head in agreement and held the door open for us. 

** 

I looked at the exterior of the house as Ray pulled up. It seemed like there were a lot of cars in the driveway and on the street for a small family dinner and through the window I could tell there were a *lot* of people in the house. We walked up to the porch and Ray put his hand on my arm to hold me back. 

"You go in the house awhile Ma. We'll be right there." She gave Ray a knowing look. 

"Don't take too long Ramundo." 

I turned to Ray wondering what he wanted to talk about. 

* 

"Hey Ma's home." Maria said from the kitchen "where do you want us to put the sauce? I can't find the server." As she took off her jacket Ben walked up and assisted her. 

"Thank you Benton. Now you go sit down and enjoy yourself. After all, your the guest of honor." 

"Where's Ray?" 

"He'll be in in a minute. He just needed to do something." She noted the disappointed look on his face and squeezed his hand. "Everything will work out caro." And then she left to join the rest of the people gathered in the kitchen. 

Ben hung the jacket up and wished there was some way he could just get away from everyone. Although he didn't want to admit it to himself, he was really hoping 'Ma" would have been able to convince Analise to come tonight. Now the last thing he wanted to do was act like he was having a good time when he wasn't. Ben rubbed his hands across his face and headed back into the living room where Stan, Meg, Dief and Tony, and Lt. Welsh were sitting. 

* 

"Look," Ray said as he let go of my arm. "I'm sorry Ma put you through all this. She can be very insistent at times." 

"Tell me about it." Ray looked at me and I gave him a smile to let him know I held no hard feelings. 

"I know we got off on the wrong foot yesterday and I wanted to say I was sorry. I just don't want to see Benny get hurt. The last woman he was involved with..., well let's just say it ended badly." 

"Victoria?" 

"You know about her?" 

"Only a little. Ben had nightmares when we were out there and he would call out her name. He told me that he thought he loved her once and that she tried to ruin you and him but he didn't go into detail and I didn't push. It was obviously very painful for him." 

Ray was surprised that Benny had mentioned that *woman* to Analise. As far as he knew, Benny never mentioned her to anyone since the incident. Ray took another look over at Analise thinking maybe he had been to quick to judge her. 

"Well anyway, I'm sorry for the way I acted and I wanted to let you know." 

"That means a lot to me Ray. Thank you. And why does everyone act like Ben and I are a couple? He has never shown any interest in me like that- not that I would mind if he did" 

"You really do love him don't you?" 

I looked away from Ray before answering. "That doesn't matter" 

"It does to you." 

I looked up at the lone star hanging low on the horizon. "With all my heart." 

"Why don't you tell him?" 

"I- I can't. It's the only thing I have to hold onto and the last thing I want to do is ruin our friendship by scaring him away." I don't know why I was spilling my guts out to pratically a stranger but Ray did seem to honestly care. "You know how he acts around women who throw themselves at him" 

"Oh yeah, I've seen that plenty of times. Hey, if Benny doesn't wake up and see he's got something pretty special here then I'm always available." I looked over at Ray and the look he was giving me let me know he was only half joking. Clearing his throat to break the silence he bowed slightly and with an out swept arm replied "your dinner awaits ma'am" 

I laughed as I was lead through the door. "Two perfect gentlemen, how can one girl be so lucky?" 

* 

Ben stared at the people around him in the living room but wasn't following the conversation. His thoughts were turned inward thinking of Analise. He had laughed more the two months they were alone then he did the past two years. Real laughter, not the polite reserved kind he did on occasion with Ray and Stanley. He heard the door open and hoped it was Ray and not another 'guest'. The past 24 hours had been so full of well wishers the city seemed even more crowded. 

Ben heard a familiar laugh and his heartbeat quickened. He pratically jumped from the chair he was in and headed for the door dodging two little kids that ran past him. The others in the room stopped talking and stared at him but he hadn't noticed. When the door closed and he saw Analise he stood in stunned silence drinking in every detail of her with his hungry eyes. Ben had never seen her in a dress before and she was stunning. Without even realizing he was moving, the few steps separating them were gone. 

"Hello" 

I looked over at the sound of the voice and was surprised to see Ben standing so close to me. 

"Hi" I stared into his eyes and had to remember to breath. He looked so open and vulnerable, like there was a great void in his life. 

"I'm glad you changed your mind about dinner." 

"As you said, Mrs. Vecchio can be very persuasive" and Ben gave a heartfelt laugh. 

"That she can" 

I don't know how long we stood there but a not so discreet cough caught my attention. I wondered how I could have missed all the people staring at us from the living room and kitchen doorways. The only sound to be heard was a couple of young children playing in the next room. 

Ray stepped between us and took both of our arms. "Ok, let's move this to the living room." He said guiding us in that direction. I was introduced to the rest of the Vecchio clan and couldn't believe how loud the noise level had risen. Ben must have noticed the look on my face and leaning over whispered "don't worry, they only attack the one's they love." 

That for some odd reason didn't make me feel any better. 'Just what did they do to everyone else?' 

Ray ushered us towards the couch and I bade hello to the familiar faces around the room on my way past. I sat down on the end of the couch but before Ben could join me Stan squeezed past him and took the spot on my right. 

"Well," he said with a sly grin on his face "we meet again." 

Ray looked over at Ben to make sure he wasn't going to kill him with his bare hands, he knew how possessive his friend could be with someone he cared about. Everyone else just stared in shock. They knew Ben was attracted to her and there had been quite a bit of scheming on their parts to do their best to get them together. Just what did Stanley think he was doing? 

Ben took a deep breath and looking over at Ray gave him a strained smile while sitting in the chair closest to Analise. 

I looked at everyone quizzically but decided not to ask. So far these people have acted pretty weird and as far as I knew, this could all be perfectly normal. The conversation in the room was superficial at best, and I was really starting to wish I had a pager or something so I could set it off and have an excuse to leave. 

"So Analise," Frannie asked "I hope you like Italian food because Ma went all out tonight. She made all of her favorites." 

"Actually, I don't think I've ever ate Italian before, besides spaghetti I mean." 

The Vecchio members stared at me as if I just grew another head.   
"You never ate Italian? Where are you from?" I remembered his name as Tony. 

"Pennsylvania. My family is Greek and I was mostly raised on Greek food and Pennsylvania Dutch like Baklava, red beet eggs, chicken corn soup...I-- I am looking forward to trying it though." 

Lt. Welsh broke the silence "well, you sure are in for a treat Analise, Mrs. Vecchio makes the best Italian food in all Chicago. If your gonna try something for the first time it may as well be the best." 

Everyone agreed with the Lt. and started talking all at once. 

"OK EVERYONE, DINNER'S READY" 

As we made our way into the dining room I felt pulled by a hand on my arm. "Here Analise, you can sit between Harding and Meg." Mrs. Vecchio said as she shuffled me towards a chair. Ben was directly across from me wedged between Stan and Frannie and Tony, Maria and their children took up the other half of the table. Ma Vecchio and Ray made up the ends. I noticed they even put together a plate for Diefenbaker and he was busily polishing it off in a corner of the room. 

"Hey Ma, did you know that Analise has never had Italian food before?" I looked over at Frannie in disbelief. 'Just draw more attention to me why don't ya?' I thought. 

That started Mrs. Vecchio on some type of a fit or something and she bustled around the table to me and speaking really fast in Italian, she started to pile a enormous amount food on my plate. 

"I really don't know if I can eat all this food Mrs. Vecchio" I said as the pile continued to grow. 

"How can anyone have grown up without good home cooked Italian food? No wonder you are so skinny- here" she said as she added a piece of garlic bread. 

"Thank you" it was the only thing I could think of saying that wouldn't start her giving me more. I looked over at Ben hoping he would help me but he was smiling just as big as everyone else and I mouthed to him "I'll get you for this". 

But I did watch in amusement as Mrs. Vecchio then bustled over to Ben and proceeded to pile food to overflowing. Everyone else had started passing dishes up and down the table helping themselves. 

I reached for my fork and picked up a piece of some kind of noodle in a reddish brown sauce. Just as I was about to put it in my mouth I looked up noticing that everyone was staring at me. 'Oh this is going to be a really *long* dinner. Taking a bite I discovered it was quite good. 

"This is excellent Mrs. Vecchio." I said when I had swallowed and was rewarded with a big smile. 

"Good, good eat up there is plenty" she looked like she was beaming and I wondered how much 'more' she was talking about. 

"So, Analise, tell us what you two did while you were out there." Meg looked at me and I was wondering why she brought it up considering the fact that 24 hours ago she heard the entire story from Ben. 

"There really isn't anything to tell, Ben covered just about all of it last night." I said looking at him. He was starting to blush and I just thought of the *perfect* way to get him back. Ben's eyes grew wide as he realized what I was up to. 

"Well, now that you mention it, there were a *few* things...." I started to relay a couple of incidents and before I knew it, everyone was laughing and asking for more. When I looked down at my watch I was surprised to see that an hour had passed. 

"I would have *loved* to see the look on his face when you pulled him into the water!" Ray said laughing. 

"No, my personal favorite has *got* to be the grubs!" Countered Stan. Ray winced at that last comment, it was just a little too close to home. 

" I sure wish you were out there with Benny and me when our plane went down. There are days I can *still* feel those things crawling around." Ray said in an over exaggerated tone. 

"Now Ray, that's just silly." Ben said. 

Everyone was pleased that Ben was so relaxed and surprised that he laughed just as hard and loud as the rest of them. It was definitely not his usual behavior and everyone knew it had a big part to do with Analise. They decided they liked the change and were glad their instincts proved right to get the two of them together. 

Everyone moved into the living room for coffee or tea and began to fill us in on everything that had been going on the past two months. Mostly what they did to try and find Ben and other things that happened while we were gone. I didn't recognize any names and soon became disinterested in the conversation. Looking at my watch I noticed it was almost 11:pm and the lack of sleep coupled with the stress of coming home had really taken a toll. I leaned my head back on the edge of the couch and listened to Ben (who was by the way sitting to my right now) as I closed my eyes. 

"Well, it's been a really enjoyable evening Mrs. Vecchio but I have a long day tomorrow and must get going." Meg said as she stood. 

"I'm so glad you came Meg." Mrs. Vecchio gave her a hug. Lt. Welsh, and Stan also took advantage of the opportunity to bid their farewell. Maria and Tony had put the children to sleep a few hours ago and joined them not long after. Ben looked over at Analise tenderly, he hadn't realized she fell asleep. While everyone was busy with sorting jackets and saying good-byes he took advantage of the opportunity to slowly run his fingers down the side of her face, tracing her jaw line and then gently across her lips. He was interrupted by a cough in the doorway. 

"Uh, Ray" Ben said as he stood up "I was just..uh.." 

"I know Benny" the look Ray gave Ben let him know he *truly* knew. Ben blushed and started to fidget. 

"Do you think I should wake her?" Ben looked down at the sleeping figure and thought of how fragile she looked. She really needed her rest. 

"Naw, let her sleep. Ma will love it. Someone new to fuss over." Ben smiled in relief, although he knew what Ray's answer would be. 

"Thanks Ray" 

"Hey Ray," Frannie looked in from the doorway "why don't you open the couch bed? She's not going to be comfortable there like that." 

Ray stared at his sister with his mouth open and walked over to her. "Your *ok* with this?" 

She glanced over at Ben who was taking off Analise's sandals. "She makes him happy Ray. I'll admit, I wish it was me instead of her but.. They seem right for each other." 

Ray looked back over at the couple. "Yeah they do. So why are they the only one's who can't see it?" 

** 

I woke to a clatter in the kitchen but my eyes didn't want to open. Coffee. I smell coffee. Why would someone be in my kitchen making coffee? I opened my eyes to see a very large wolf just inches from my face. 

*whine* 

"Diefenbaker." Looking around I realized I wasn't at home and thought back to last night. 'I must have fell asleep!' I was horribly embarrassed and I crawled out of bed to offer my apologies to whoever was in the kitchen. 

I smoothed my hair as best as possible though the french braid I had in last night was ruined. Peeking around the corner of the kitchen door I saw Ray in a suit pouring himself a cup of coffee. 

"Ray?" I said tentatively. I didn't want to scare him while he had the coffee pot in his hand. 

"Hey Analise" he said looking over his shoulder. "Want some coffee?" 

I shuffled into the kitchen and sat at the counter. "No thanks, I'm not really a coffee drinker. Why didn't you wake me up last night? I am so embarrassed!" 

Ray gave me a big smile and sat beside me at the counter. "It was late and you had been through a lot yesterday. We figured you could use some rest." 

I looked around the quiet house "where is everyone?" 

"Since it's only 5:30 in the morning, they're probably still asleep. I gotta go in early to get some extra paper work done." 

"Oh... I think I'm gonna head out too. Would you have enough time to give me a ride home Ray?" 

His smile dropped "Ma will be real disappointed if you leave without breakfast." He had to think of someway to get her to stay until Ben came down. He knew his friend was in the shower and he was hoping Ben would be the one to take her home. 

I held my stomach "no offense but I don't think I can eat anything. I'm still full from last night!" I said with a laugh. "Besides, I need to see what's going on at the bank. I'm hoping I can still get my old job back but after all this time that's gonna be a long shot." 

He knew she wasn't going to wait and decided to try another tatic."Why not wait for Benny to come down? I'm sure he wont mind taking you." He leaned closer and with a sly grin added "give the two of you a chance to spend some time together...." 

"I.... I don't think that's a good idea Ray." I said looking down "I need to sort some things out on my own right now. When Ben is with me, I can't seem to concentrate." 

Ray knew she wasn't going to change her mind and gave up. "Ok, just let me get my things." 

I went back into the living room and slipped my sandals on, patted Dief and waited for Ray on the front porch. 

"Ready?" Ray said as he walked past me. 

"As I'll ever be." 

*** 

"Geez Benny, sit down already!" Ray looked at the Mountie who had been pacing back and fourth in front of his desk for the better part of an hour. He hadn't seen Benny this depressed since... Well since Victoria. It had been 5 days since Analise had spent the night at his house and ever since Ben came down the stairs to find her already gone he had closed back into his shell. 

"Look Benny, why don't you just give her a call? At least you'll know she's all right then." 

Ben looked down at his friend and feeling dejected sat in the chair across from Ray's desk. "I can't do that Ray" 

"Why not? You've done nothing but sulk for the past five days and I know you miss her." 

"Ray, if she wanted to see me then she would have called or something. I'm not going to go barging into her apartment like some...some...crazed maniac! And I don't sulk." 

"You do sulk and you've been sulking for the past five days." 

Ben crossed his arms in front of his chest and stuck out his lower lip. 'He didn't sulk. He never sulked a day in his life.' 

"The Yanks right son" Ben looked up to see his father and rolled his eyes. 

"What do you want?" He said in an exasperated tone. 

Ray looked up from his papers "I don't want nothing." 

"I know you don't Ray" 

"Then why did you ask?" 

Ben looked over at the apparition of his father. " I am going to get something from the snack machine would you like anything?" He addressed the comment to Ray. 

"No I'm good" 

As Ben walked away he wondered if he would ever beable to stand another week of Benny being off work. 'Perhaps I should go and beg the dragon lady to let him return early' he mused to himself and then went back to filling out the reports. 

Ben looked around the doorway to the break room and was relieved to see it empty. He turned to face his father "why are you here Dad?" 

"Because you need me son." 

"I do not need you." 

"You have been moping about all week for that girl and it's about time you got off your rear and did something about it!" 

"You don't know what your talking about." Ben said as he rested his head on the table. He hadn't been able to sleep, eat or concentrate much in the past few days. "She doesn't want to see me." 

He added quietly. 

"What makes you say that?" Bob Fraser had leaned back in a chair and propped his feet up on the table. 

"Comfortable?" Ben sarcastically asked. 

"Quite, thank you for asking. You never did answer my question." 

"She left before I got up Dad. If she wanted to see me she would have stayed." 

"You don't know if that's why she left son." 

"What other reason could there be?" 

"Why don't you ask her yourself and find out." With that last piece of advice Bob Fraser left. 

"Dad?" Getting no response "he comes, he goes..." Ben muttered and headed back into the bullpen. 

Ray watched Ben leave the bullpen and looked around for his sister "hey Frannie" he said spying her coming out of the Lt.'s office. She walked over to him 

"What's up Bro?" 

"How are the arrangements coming?" 

Frannie leaned closer to her brother looking to make sure Fraser around. "Perfect, everything is arranged and this Tuesday at 8 we have the room." 

Ray gave a big smile "now all we gotta do is get Benny there." 

"It's all taken care of" Frannie said as she eased herself onto the end of her brothers desk, "Meg is going to say it's some kind of Canadian function and tell Fraser he needs to be there. What about Analise?" 

Ray leaned back in his chair and picking up a small ball threw it into a net hanging from a filing cabinet."it's being taken care of as we speak." 

** 

'All right, all right I'm coming!" I said making my way to the door. I never remember having so many visitors before meeting Ben. "Who is it?" 

"Stanley Kowalski" came the voice through the door. I leaned my head against the door and sighed. 'Why me?' 

Composing myself I opened the door and looked at the blond headed cop leaning against the frame. "So, what brings you here Detective?" I hadn't forgot the way he'd been making passes at me since we met and wasn't too ready to invite him into my apartment. 

"Well, it's kinda like this see... " he paused and looked past me into the apartment. "Aren't you gonna invite me in?" 

Placing my hand on my hip I looked at him hard "it all depends, are you going to hit on me again?" 

He blushed a little. "Oh, sorry about that, I was just trying to give Fraser a little reality check." He looked at me softer and added "not that I wouldn't mind going out sometime if this Fraser thing doesn't work out" 

"I'll keep that in mind Detective." 

"Please, call me Stan". I opened the door farther and waved an arm to come in. 

"So why are you here Stan?" 

"Well, we are planning this big shindig for Fraser and it's kinda a surprise. We were hoping you would come. It's gonna be at the Astoria, black tie." 

"Why would you want me to go?" 

"Ever since the dinner Fraser has been doing nothing but sulking around even though he says he doesn't sulk and you would really be doing him a favor because if he keeps it up much longer the rest of us are going to kill him." 

I laughed at Stan pictured everyone- including Ma Vecchio ganging up on him. "I really don't know Stan." 

"They really went all out... Besides, he's gonna need someone to protect him from all those women!" I saw the glean in Stan's eye and knew what he was trying to do. He was trying to make me jealous! And the sad part is it was working. 

"When?" 

"This Tuesday, 8 o'clock." 

"Ok Stan, you can count on me." 

"Great!" He said and gave me a quick peck on the cheek. "See ya then" 

*** 

TUESDAY 7:PM 

I smoothed my hands over my evening dress as I looked in the mirror. It had taken me two days of shopping before I found the perfect dress. Remembering Ben said red was his favorite color I bought a satin ankle length deep red gown. It was form fitting down my bodice and hips and flared at the bottom to give the appearance of gliding when I walked. At first I was hesitant with the off the shoulders look but I did like the way it accentuated my breasts without being overly noticeable. The tops of my rounded mounds peeked out from the silky material like a silent invite. My brow furrowed and for a minute I wondered if it was too ostentatious. I did want to make an impression on Ben though. Stan said there would be a lot of women vying for his attention and I was going to do my best to compete. For tonight I decided to wear my hair up and soft curls were cradling the sides of my face. "It's now or never" I said out loud and grabbed my purse to go sown and wait for the cab. 

The ballroom was exquisite and I stood in the arch way for a moment feeling overwhelmed. 'Just what was I thinking?' I scanned the room and my breath caught as I saw Ben on the other side surrounded by no less than six women. 'So, Stan was telling the truth' I mused to myself. 

As if something was pulling him, Ben looked up in the direction of the door. When his eyes fell on Analise he was mesmerized. She stood by the entrance slowly smoothing down her dress and Ben felt a definite pulling in his loins. He forgot all about the group of women who had cornered him about ten minutes earlier and with barely a mumble of an excuse, left them slack jawed as he made his way across the room. 

I blushed when Ben caught me staring at him and my heart rate increased to what I was sure was a highly dangerous level. When I saw him head in my direction I forced my legs to move and tried to meet him half way. The last coherent thought I remembered having was how handsome he looked in his red surge and then my senses were overwhelmed as my body decided to pick that moment to act on it's own accord. 

"Hello" Ben smiled down at me and I was speechless. He looked even more desirable than ever and I had to force my voice to work. 

"Hello" 

I continued to look into his eyes and couldn't imagine any woman on the face of the earth being as lucky as I felt that instant. I fought the urge to close my eyes 'just breath'. 

"Do you like your surprise party?" I said as I smiled up at him and although his tone was light when he answered Ben's eyes bore into me with an intensity deeper than the sun's brightest ray's. 

"I must admit, up until a minute ago I was trying to think of a polite way to leave." 

"And now?" I asked with a teasing quality to my voice. 

Ben straightened up a little "now, the only thing I want to do is ask the most beautiful woman in the room if she would give me the honor of a dance." He held out his hand to me and wordlessly, I placed mine in it as he effortlessly lead me to the dance floor and spun me into his embrace. I was unaware of everything around me. 'How long had I dreamt of this moment?' Ben guided us effortlessly across the dance floor and held me so close, I could feel his breath on my neck. I didn't see the dozens of eyes that had stopped their own dancing and socializing to watch us. 

"EXCUSE ME" a rather loud voice brought me back to the present and Ben hesitantly pulled back a little though his arms were still around me. I recognized the woman who had interrupted us as one of the women who had been standing with Ben when I came into the room. 

"Lisa, I ...uh..." Ben stammered and I saw the squirrel in the headlights look again. 

"Benton" she drawled "I believe it's my turn to dance" she said as she basically grabbed his arm pulling him from me. I could tell Ben was embarrassed and I stood there stunned as he was drug mercilessly to another spot on the dance floor. Every fiber of my being wanted to reach over and strangle the obnoxious woman with my bare hands but I had to remind myself that Ben did not belong to me. We were just friends even though my heart had a different take on the situation. I finally composed myself enough to realize I was still standing in the middle of the dance floor and looking around at all the staring faces moved as quickly as I could to a corner of the room, hoping my face hadn't turned as red as it felt. 

"Hi Analise" I hadn't heard Ray approach and gave him a small smile. 

"Hi" 

"May I say you look lovely tonight?" I looked out the window at the storm clouds forming over the city and tried to not sound as horrible as I felt at that moment. 

"Thank you." My reply even sounded stiff to my own ears. 

"You know, that kinda thing happens all the time to Benny." 

"What thing?" I asked trying to sound oblivious. 

"You know, women. That Lisa chick is almost as bad as my sister but in a way she's a lot worse. At least Frannie knows where to draw the line." We both looked over at the couple dancing and I noticed Ben was doing his best to keep some distance between them but the more he pulled away, the closer she tried to move. 

I didn't know if that was supposed to make me feel better or not so I decided not to comment. 

Ray continued "would you do me the honor of a dance?" 

I smiled at Ray thinking of how good of a friend he had become to me since we got back and gladly accepted his proffered hand. 

The rest of the evening I didn't have a chance to dance with Ben again. Every time I turned around there was another woman waiting for his attention. I did my best to keep my spirits up and the only thing that I think got me this far through the evening was seeing Ben glance at me every once in a while. I danced when asked, made small talk with people who approached me and tried to keep a smile on my face but this night was turning out to be a disaster. 'Certainly if Ben wanted to spend more time with me tonight he would have come over by now.' I looked out the window at the storm that was raging. It seemed oddly appropriate for the weather to mimic the feelings inside my calm exterior and I felt comforted by the pounding rain. As much as I tried to mingle during the evening I had become strangely pulled to this window. Perhaps it was the fact that a huge potted plant partly obscured me from view. 

After sometime of standing there, certain voices in the room were becoming more distinctive to me and I realized it was because whoever was speaking was just on the other side of the plant. I tried not to listen at first but it soon became clear they were talking about me. 

" Can you believe he was stuck out there with only her for company for two whole months?" 

" I think I would have had to leave her." 

"No, she must have been good for scaring away the bears." 

(Lots of giggles) 

I couldn't believe the things I was hearing. What had I ever done to them? I moved from my spot but before I could confront them, I heard another voice. 

"Your just jealous you don't look that good Lisa." 

Turning around I saw Ray approaching the woman and caught the eye of Ben. I could tell by the look on his face that he had also 'overheard' and was too humiliated to stand there a minute longer, so I ran out the room as fast as I could. 

'How can I ever face him again?' I sobbed as I looked to see what direction to take. I was on the twelfth floor and there were quite a few people waiting for the elevator. I looked back at the direction of the room, and sighed relief that Ben wasn't following me. I thought I had heard him call my name. 

Before I could even think of what I was doing, I ran up the stair case as fast as I could in the heels I was wearing. The two flights to the roof weren't enough to keep me from hearing the music continue to drift from the room below and I threw my weight against the door until it opened under my assault. Gasping as the rain and cold night air pounded my head & bodice I blindly ran on not stopping until I reached the small wall at the end of the roof. How can I face him again? 

"Analise!" Ben called as he made his way to the door. An older woman stopped him to give her well wishes and when he looked up again she was out of sight. He ran into the hallway just in time to see the elevator doors close. Ray ran up beside him. 

"Did you see where she went?" He asked looking at the concern on his friends face. Ben shook his head no unable to speak. It was too late. He was too late. There would be no way he could beat the elevator to the first floor before she was gone. A bark from Dief caught his attention and his eyes narrowed as he looked over at the stairs. 

"Good boy Dief" 

"What is it?" Ray asked . 

"She's heading for the roof." With that he took the steps two at a time. 

As I stared out over the ledge, everything seemed so far away. I guess 14 stories will do that. I knelt down and placed my head on the ledge as the sobs overtook my body. I could never remember feeling so horribly alone in my entire life as I did right then. Was I just kidding myself? To think that the best two months of my life was something that meant nothing to him was more than I could stand. 'What makes me think he would want me when there are so many women out there who aren't afraid to let him know how they feel? He deserves better than what I can give him.' I looked out over the ledge again. As the rain continued to pound down everything was soaked. It would probably be pretty easy to slip yet I shakily stood up on the edge tilted my head back and closed my eyes, desperately trying to remember the top of the mountain Ben and I had stood on. For a moment I allowed myself to smile as the memory of finding love replayed in my mind. The wind was picking up and I almost lost my footing. 

"Analise!" 

I felt a chill run down my back at the familiarity of the voice and the emotion behind it. How long had he been standing there? I still couldn't face him. 

"Go away Ben" I said softly. I started to shiver but I knew it wasn't from the rain and wrapped my arms around myself as I took a sidestep away from the voice. 

"Look at me" 

-no response- 

"*Look* at me!" 

Slowly, as if against my will my head turned. I drew my breath in as I saw the look of worry on Ben's face. My stomach twisted into a know as I realized I had caused him that pain. 

"What do you want Ben?" 

He reached out his hand to me. "Please" his voice was strained " give me your hand" 

"Don't worry Ben, I'm not planning on taking any flying lessons tonight" I said trying to keep my voice light and managed a small smile. The look in Ben's eyes hadn't changed and it was getting harder to keep my balance as the rain and wind picked up. I closed my eyes as I tried to figure out what to do and let out a small cry of surprise as I felt two strong hands wrap around my waist and pull me backwards from the ledge. Ben scooped me up in his arms and carried me towards the stairs. 

"Ben, put me down I can walk" I tried to maneuver out of his grasp but he just held me tighter. He stopped only when we had reached the building wall and dropped to his knees. His arms held me so tight I could barely breath as I felt his body pressed into mine. Ben had buried his head in my neck, oblivious to the wind and rain. 

"Analise...Analise..." he said my name over and over and I held him tight as the rain washed over both of us. 

Lifting his head, the look of fear and loneliness I saw was unbearable as tears fell from his eyes. 

"I am so sorry Ben" I said as I started to kiss his face and neck " I'm sorry" 

I had never wanted to be the one that caused him the heartache he had grown accustomed to. 

Ben pulled back and looked deep into my eyes, it felt as if he'd touched my very soul and I shuddered. 

He leaned close to my ear and whispered "Don't ever leave me again. Promise me you wont ever leave me again." 

"I promise" I managed to choke out as my tears were washed away with the rain. Our foreheads were leaning against one another and I cupped his face with both my hands. "I love you Benton Robert Fraser, I always will." 

He pulled back and ever so gently caressed my cheek and jaw line with his hand, allowing his fingers to play across my lips and I kissed them. Leaning closer, replacing his fingers with his lips he kissed me. A soft, gentle kiss of love, of hope, of desire and of promises to come. 

THE END 

I want to thank everyone who thought enough of Ben and Analise's adventure to e-mail me. It really means a lot that I wasn't the only one who wanted to eavesdrop on their journey. If enough people want to see them continue on the path they have chosen, I will write a second chapter called 'ENDLESS IS THE NIGHT' either way, comments are always appreciated. ( I *live* for comments)--ok, I can stop drooling now--:0) 

A big, huge , colossal TYK to Sher and Carol who through their Ben and Phil saga inspired me to write about these two crazy love birds. (even though they didn't know it at the time) 

zzzaney 


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